My disastrous Tinder date

This is in response to Lili Radloff's column, Dating: who pays?

Tinder is great for what it is, as long as you don’t take it too seriously. However, it does become slightly awkward when your male acquaintances and ex-boyfriends appear as one of those pictures and they comment that they’ve seen you on Tinder. My thought is… well you’re on it too so shut up.
Some men say they love you within the first week and write poems dedicated to you (this happened to my housemate). Some men immediately start with, “What are you wearing?”. Some men claim to be “that nice guy you are looking for” (never trust that line).

Some men start off with “I’m not looking for a relationship, just to have fun, to have someone to cuddle with on the couch, to sleep next to, to feel comforted and supported, but most definitely NOT a relationship”.

But then there are some that you actually can talk to (don’t make that mistake of not talking to them for long enough and then meeting up, as I will discuss later). It is so easy to build up a romanticised and idealised version of someone over this platform and realise that you like them, like really like them.

So if they live close enough, you could agree to meet up. And because we do live in this world, you make sure it’s in a public place and that several friends know where you are going.
Cue the meet ups.

This part is going to go in order of a few of the most important ones that I’ve met over Tinder (I met others from the dating sites after getting around the message function but those are not important).

Let’s call the first one James (real names not used). We had a lot in common it seemed, he was funny and a nice guy, but there just seemed to be no spark on my end (damn that romanticised version). It seems there was for him and cue the uncomfortable rejection text when he followed up for a second date.

The second one, we'll call Simon. Simon was one of those “just looking for fun” guys. I realised early on that I really didn’t have to stress if I said the wrong thing, because I was never given a chance to speak. Then he stood up to go to the bathroom and that’s when I realised he was shorter than me (you can’t filter that out on Tinder and call me superficial if you want). But then came out the complete homophobia and maybe a slight underlying sense of racism.


The last one had to have been the most hysterical date and person I have ever been out with. Let’s call him Future guy.

This is why I previously stated that you do indeed have to talk long enough before agreeing to meet. He arrived an hour early at the agreed venue and warned me that he’s not from this time, he’s from the future.

I just thought he meant because he’s early. My concerned housemate, unbeknownst to me, picked up her previously successful Tinder date to have a drink in the vicinity as she was definitely not going to let me go alone if there were a problem.

What followed was something out of the Twilight Zone.

I took a trip into the bizarre world of time travel, aliens from Mercury already on planet Earth (Helen Zille is one of them by the way) and into how India changes you so much that you turn into said person – all of this adventure without leaving my chair.

Initially I thought that this was a dare that his friends put him up to. As time went on, I realised that this was the real deal, he honestly believes this.

Once I couldn’t take any more of this off the wall talk – as highly entertaining as it was – I found an excuse to look at my phone and thankfully my housemate had informed me that she was around the corner.

I convinced him to join my friends and watching my housemate’s jaw drop to the floor as he started talking and it was one of the most hilarious moments I have ever had the pleasure to witness.

She was so gobsmacked by the whole evening that she even wrote her own article about it, found here. So, needless to say, he and I haven’t spoken since.

So ladies and gentlemen, involved or single. This is what life is like in the current world of dating.

A hundred shades of grey (hopefully not 50) and a complicated navigation through online sites and applications. For the involved ones, aren’t you glad you don’t have to face this outrageousness?

For the single ones, perseverance is key and eventually we’ll get there.

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