Getting married and spending the rest of your life with someone special is something that many women aspire to, but 29-year-old lawyer, Zamathiyane Mthiyane says there are several reasons she never wants to get married.
This includes money, her career and the expectations that come up once a woman gets married. “I am yet to date a guy who is not bothered, to a certain extent by the fact that I earn more than them. This also means, of course, that I have never dated a guy who earns more than me, which from personal experience, seems to be a common thing for black females in corporate SA,” Zamathiyane says.
One of her past relationships also made very clear for her that some men do not like an independent woman. “Guys need to be needed and I need to be independent; a compromise is necessary for marriage, I'm not willing to give in and I honestly don’t think I should have to compromise to just make someone else feel more comfortable with their bank balance,” she says.
She believes that her career as an attorney doesn't allow her the luxury of constantly being present, as she is often busy with court matters that she cannot just postpone or reschedule at whim.
“I will never be able to fit the picture of a perfect wife who performs all the so called ‘wifely’ duties that many men want because I love my job more than any guy and genuinely don't have the time for household chores. I would rather put my energy towards work because I know for sure that my career will never wake up one day and say, ‘I don’t love you anymore’,” she says.
She adds that in a previous relationship she was accused of cheating, as her former boyfriend couldn’t comprehend how a person could work as much as she does.
Infidelity also plays a big role on influencing her about marriage.
“It has become the norm to get into an open relationship/marriage or accept and forgive cheating as it’s part of this modern life. I agree, however, I also respect the institution of marriage and think that if you are going to make a promise to God, your partner, and your family to be faithful - keep it. If you know from experience, that you couldn’t stay faithful in relationships, then stay away from them,” says Zamathiyane.
Crystal Vurden, another 24-year-old who never wants to get married says trust issues led her to the decision that marriage was something she would pursue.
Not wanting to make a lifelong commitment stems from seeing other people within her family who’ve had failed marriages. “Why would I put myself in that position when I already know what the outcome will be,” she says. Crystal says she witnessed her father have four failed marriages and this was enough to put her off. Crystal believes that marriage complicates relationships. “When you are dating, people are more in love, but after they get married, the first year is fine, but by year three, they become too comfortable and they forget about the love, passion and the fire,” she says. She adds that this leads to a breakdown in marriage.
For Crystal her ideal relationship is being with someone who will allow her to have her own independence, and not be forced to live together.
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