Babes Wodumo and Lady Zamar - expert advises on 4 ways to deal with shaming

Babes finds herself under much scrutiny for shaming fellow artist Lady Zamar.
Babes finds herself under much scrutiny for shaming fellow artist Lady Zamar.

As of late, Bongekile Simelane, or Babes Wodumo, as she’s affectionately known by thousands of fans, has been a magnet to social media controversy and backlash.

Taking to social media Babes' Twitter account posted a video which zooms onto a TV screen on which Lady Zamar is shown as a guest judge on popular singing competition, Idols. In the video, someone believed to be Babes can be heard laughing candidly and insulting Lady Zamar because of her acne.

But Babes claims that her social media accounts were hacked and the hacker is responsible for the insults on her Twitter timeline. The muso pleaded with fans not to attributes the insults to her as she is still investigating the situation.

Lady Zamar, according to Channel24, was subjected to cyber bullying because of he acne, just a few months earlier.

Taking to her own social media to address hundreds of demeaning comments about her skin back then, Lady Zamar asked people to stop giving her advice and also spoke about the detrimental consequences cyber bulling can have on people.

READ MORE: This insurance company is giving women cyberbullying cover as SA's current trolling crisis worsens

“You guys need to understand that what you say from the comfort of your beds and homes is about someone. Haven’t y’all [sic] learnt the power of words yet? A singer just committed suicide the other day coz of body issues. Another girl committed suicide coz of her acne ..,” she began.

“I keep quiet a lot in a lot if these dumb issues people bring up about me or involving me coz frankly in many ways they don’t matter in the scope of my career, my passions and my desires... but this matters to me. A LOT. People are dying, people are committing suicide because of these kinda [sic] issues and I’ll be damned if I let another stupid comment slide. I love my life, secret or not, public or not but I wake up every day to myself... Don’t insult me by giving me advice I’ve got people for that,” she continued.

READ MORE: Could Rachel Kolisi stand to face a lot more than social media backlash after her Instagram meltdown?

Shaming is a serious problem in all settings, particularly social media.

There are many reasons why women shame each other according to Johannesburg based Psychologist, David Wilson.

He says women who shame other women often do so for masked or hidden reasons such as feeling insecure about themselves, having had to deal with being shamed by someone else previously or just lashing out emotionally.

Which is why psychologically, when one person shames another, it can be seen as a cry for help or evidence of an underlying issue that needs to be dealt with.

READ MORE: Nadia Nakai and other women who have been shamed for their outfits

Advice for people who consistently shame others:

Seek professional help. Otherwise, practice positive affirmation and ask yourself why you are shaming another person. This may help you realise that the issue may not be with the other person but with you. Once that realisation takes place, you can work on dealing with and healing your own insecurities.

David’s advice for people who have been shamed:

1. Do not internalise the negativity.

2. Acknowledge that most of the time when someone is shaming you it is because the person does not necessarily have a problem with you, but with themselves. Unfortunately, you are becoming a victim of another person’s insecurities.

READ MORE: Wives share their stories of being fat shamed by their husbands in a heartbreaking thread

3. Another way to deal with being shamed is to confront the person who is responsible and explain to them how they have made you feel and how their actions impacted you. This can help you gain peace of mind.

4. Practice positive affirmations and find things you love about yourself. This way your confidence is built up and you know your self-worth. It will make it harder to be swayed by others' views of you.

Have you been shamed before, how did you deal with it? Share your thoughts with us here.

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