Chick porn: the open secret

“Honey, aren’t you going to watch any episodes of True Blood today?” my husband Andreas asked me on Saturday afternoon.

“Naah, that series only has 12 episodes a season,” I replied, regretfully. “I finished Season 4 last week, and that’s all there is.”

Dreas looked a little crestfallen, but went back to his book.

As did I.

I knew exactly why he was disappointed, so there was no need discussing it. Which got me thinking about the open secret that is chick porn in our society.

For those of you who have never watched True Blood, it’s a ridiculously over-the-top, cartoonishly gruesome vampire show. So why are so many women (including me) addicted to it? Because it has cracked the key to turning women on.

Anticipation plus brooding sexuality is as hot for most women as hardcore pornography is for most men. Hell, it IS our hardcore porn.

Do you think we flock to buy up the Twilight saga’s literary genius? Of course not; we aren’t brain-damaged.

But Edward telling Bella that sex with him would be so devastatingly powerful she’d DIE from it? Chick porn gold.

I was having brunch with friends a while back, and their teenage daughter was reading Breaking Dawn at the table.

“Where are you in the story?” I asked her.

“Aah... Edward and Bella are leaving on honeymoon,” she replied, blushing a little.

“Good bit,” I said, blushing a little too; the chick porn version of a secret handshake.

There are very few things in life that women have easier than men, but porn consumption is one of them. Teen boys have to trawl the web, feeling like seedy perverts, cringing with the horrific thought of being caught. Teen girls just have to grab a one of the better thumbed novels from Gran’s bookshelf. (Princess Daisy, anyone?)

I feel like I’m betraying the sisterhood a little by coming out and saying this so openly. But then, I’m assuming most men (like Andreas) are well aware of this anyway. And maybe it’ll a help a few sex lives out there. Guys? We’ll keep buying uncomfortable, scratchy lacey bits, if you start agreeing to watch bad vampire TV series with us. Deal?

Sam Wilson is the Editor-in-Chief of w24.co.za, Food24.com and Parent24.com, while being a member of True Blood Team Eric.

Follow Sam on twitter.

This column first appeared in i magazine,  a weekly lifestyle mag that comes out with City Press every Sunday, in Gauteng and KZN.

 
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