Wait, is Jennifer Lopez trying Tinder? Here are 18 kinds of guys she might find

Turns out that Jennifer Lopez has taken to Tinder to give us singletons some love advice. 

The singer who is currently dating retired baseballer Alex Rodriguez is sharing dating tips as part of a new video for Tinder’s Swipe Sessions says MSN. 

JLo sits down with a woman called Brooke and helps her find a match and says things like "Guys until they're 33 are really useless."

It’s really quite hilarious and a cute look at online dating and how you could be doing it a bit better. 

But let’s talk about the kind of guys you find on Tinder…

I’ve been on Tinder for about a month now. I first thought to join in order to write an article for the site, but my editor insisted that was just an excuse.

Perhaps she was half right – I needed to get back into the dating scene since I was finally over my ex-boyfriend. 

READ MORE: Are you self-sabotaging your next possible relationship?

Now, I’m a month in, and have chatted to some nice people, have been on a few dates and have had a good time generally. But, I have also spoken to some strange individuals… 

One of the best parts of Tinder isn’t matching with a cute guy, or even meeting up and finding that you really get on. It’s noticing the little quirks about people’s profiles and having a good laugh about some of them.

1. The guy who spells it ‘interllectual’

This is the guy with the profile that’s supposed to make him seem smart (the first line of his bio was ‘interllectual and well educated), and his pictures were all of him in a suit, but boy couldn’t use autocorrect to check his spelling. 

How to swipe: I don’t know about you, but if he doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, I ain’t swiping right.

2. The model who only has professional shirtless pictures

Now, I’m not saying shirtless pics are a bad thing. I love a good shirtless man as much as the next girl. But every single picture? No candids of you with friends or selfies of your face, but just you and your man nipples looking into the camera like you want to take it to bed? No man. 

How to swipe: if the thirst is real and you’re up for anything he throws at you, swipe right, but I personally am turned off by this sort of thing. 

3. Check out my wildlife selfie

There are a lot of men (especially white men) who think it’s cool to have at least one (some have up to three or four!) image of themselves with a sedated wild animal, smiling widely.

And it’s always the same too – our guy here would be wearing khaki shorts with those horrible grass-coloured trainers and sunglasses that wrap around his entire face while petting a cheetah that is totes out of it. Of course sometimes the animal is dead, which makes it even worse. 

How to swipe: something about this just makes me uncomfortable, so I’ll swipe left.

READ MORE: What is pre-dating - and should you be doing it?

4. Totally DTF

Now, I know Tinder can be a lot of things to a lot of different people – you could be looking for anything from love to a random hookup with a cute person.

But how about you at least pretend to be interested in the fact that I’m a human being before you try to have sex with me? I’ve had guys try to get me to come and visit them after I’ve only said “Hi, how are you?”  Then there was the guy who said he’s jealous of every man who’s ever had sex with me. Yes, seriously.

And then there was the guy who asked if his 16cm penis would be enough for me. I’m so thankful you can’t send dick pics on Tinder. 

How to swipe: To the left, to the left

5. The world traveler

If you’ve ever wanted to feel inadequate about the fact that you’ve never been able to travel, these profiles will help a great deal toward that. I swear every second guy is either a foreigner who is in SA after traveling to everywhere but Timbuktu, or they’ve got a picture in front of every major monument in the world. 

How to swipe: I say swipe right. Even if it makes you feel a little inadequate, at least he’ll be full of interesting stories. Maybe. 

6. The fitness junkie

All his pictures are either of him running marathons, or selfies in the mirror at the gym. He believes in “clean living” and does super adventurous stuff like abseiling and spelunking all the time. They describe them selves as “outdoorsy” and “health conscious”, but what they really mean is that you’re gonna be running a lot.

How to swipe: if you’re as unfit as I am, then you probably better swipe left before you become his next project. 

READ MORE: "I haven’t gone on a date in 5 years" - why my biggest nightmare isn't late marriage

7. The Fuckboi

Most of his pictures are of him, shirtless and pouting, at Rocking The Daises or some other music festival with a girl in a really tiny bikini. (Note, not to be confused with Mr Shirtless Model. This is another type of shirtless.) He has gelled spiky hair, or that Don Draper hairstyle with the side part and is always staring into the camera.

His bio says he’s “looking for that special lady”, but when you start talking to him, all he wants to do is get your whatsapp contact so that he can send you dick pics. 

How to swipe: If you’re into being messed around or him acting like he wants to be with you only to blow you off a day later, then swipe right. If you would like to keep your sanity, then swipe left.

8. The animal lover

His dog/cat/lizard is his best friend and if you date him, you date his pet too. Every picture is of him and Fluffy snuggling, taking a walk, or just hanging out. There’s even a solo shot of the cat, but none of him.

How to swipe: personally, I’m a sucker for these, especially if the dog is a pug, but then I do kind of expect him to bring said dog along on the date.

9. The “Hello, Clarice”

He looks like he’s going to murder you via Tinder. His pictures (and you’re lucky if there are more than 2 of them) are grainy like they were taken with a camera phone from 2004 and there’s just something about his eyes. There’s even a picture that looks like it could be a mugshot. He usually has no bio, but if he does, it’s usually with lyrics from his favourite metal band.

How to swipe: unless you want your liver sold on the black market, I suggest you swipe left.

READ MORE: Man who ghosted his wife for 20 years declared "dead": women everywhere have the last laugh

10. “Oh, that’s just my niece”

He will tell you that those five pictures of him with the same child are just pictures of his niece/nephew. He will tell you that they’re just “very close”. He will think it makes him seem endearing. Ha ah, no, stop lying.

That’s his baby, and with that baby comes a baby mama who is either still with him, or shares custody of his “niece” and isn’t very happy about you coming into their lives.

How to swipe: Boy, bye. To the left you go.

Then there’s also..

11. “Oh that’s my sister”

Then why does she look nothing like you, and why do you have pictures of her on Tinder? Does she even know that random women across the province are looking at her and wondering if she knows her “brother” is chatting them up with pictures of her on his profile?

How to swipe: this is just a little too weird for me. To the left.

12.The unoriginal guy

You’re going to start noticing a lot of similarities in profiles, and then you’ll start noticing that some guys just downright steal their ideas from other people.

Have you ever heard of the guy who got his ex-girlfriends to rate him for his Tinder profile? Well, there are so many guys who copied that idea (except none of the reviews are real), it’s just sad. It’s all a variation of this:

“He was really sweet” – Random tinder girl, 4 stars

“Please date my son” – Josh’s mom, 5 stars

“I’d do anything for him” – Ryan Gosling, 5 stars

How to swipe: If he’s cute and actually seems like he could hold a decent conversation, I suppose swipe right. Just don’t expect originality to be one of the reasons you fall in love with him.

READ MORE: My Tinder date came home with me and doesn't want to leave

13. Super hipster dude

He’s got an epic beard and wears the most adorable vintage glasses. His profile says he’s just looking for “meaningful friendships, maybe something more” and he wants to take you to trendy new restaurants and craft beer tasting.

How to swipe: I have to admit, I’ve swiped right on a lot of hipster dudes, mostly because I love a good beard. So if you’re into craft beer and beard oil, you know what to do.

14. That random dude from work

You’ve seen each other in the lift, or even had a conversation at the office Christmas party, but you’ve never thought of them as dating potential – and then they pop up on your Tinder.

You feel slightly awkward, as if he can see that you’re gonna swipe left because you don’t want to match and then have it be super weird at the office tomorrow.

How to swipe: I always swipe left, but if this dude is someone you’re crushing on, then go for it!

15. The philosophical/sappy guy

He has a quote from Dr Seuss/Bob Marley/some other deeply inspiring, yet quirky person (or sometimes it’ll be more than one) in his bio and calls himself a “down to Earth guy, just looking for that special someone to drink wine and cuddle with.” Also, he has at least one picture of himself doing a yoga pose on Lion’s Head.

How to swipe: I’ll roll my eyes to the right while I swipe to the left

16. Where’s Wally? 

There are 6 pictures on his profile and at least 8 different guys in each of them, so you have to figure out which one is him by using a complicated mathematical chart. 

How to swipe: Swipe right, if only to see if your painstaking identification process worked. 

17. He really loves his mom

Like, seriously loves his mom. She’s in at least two of his pictures and they’re always doing that sort of awkward matric ball photo hug. He might even include how much he loves his mom and her first name in his bio.

How to swipe: I’m not really into momma’s boys, but some women find it endearing. I’d swipe left.

18. The guy who’s obsessed with his car

The very first picture is of his car (which is tricked out) and every other image is of him leaning against the car looking all smug wearing those R30 “Ray Bans” he got from Cape Town’s Grand Parade.

How to swipe: Left! I’m not dating someone who’ll smaak his rims more than me.

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