Newly single? Here's what you need to know

Also read Chapter One, Two, Three, Four, Six, Seven, Eight and Nine

Newly Single and Drinking

My husband had moved out, my dating life was a disaster, I had no money, and as all newly single people do, I began to drink.

I had never been a big drinker before, but I started having a whisky (or two) every night. 

It felt good. Me: a woman, on my own, strong, independent, age 50 drinking single malt. 

Whisky does things to you that nothing else can. It warms the chest. It makes you feel okay for dumping someone. It increases your libido.

It makes everything glow. And glisten. I liked it, a lot!

I drank too much.

I drank too much when I thought about what I had done to my ex-husband.

I drank too much when I thought about that fat ex-friend who had been so nasty to me.

I drank far too much when I thought about the lover that I really wanted that I knew I would never have.

And then I drank so much, I noticed I had put on 4 kilos.

And so I stopped. I did not want to be FAT. 

I could be anything. I could be a terrible mother, a dumper of husbands, a home wrecker, a cyber-sexer, a whore. I could even be an alcoholic.

But I could not be FAT.

I loved my whisky. It had made me feel good. 

I thought about options.

Cocaine could work, but it’s far too expensive.

Bath Salts apparently brilliant, but I didn’t really want to eat someone’s face.

Meditation. Boring.

Masturbation?

Masturbation.

Of course.

So instead of drinking, I masturbated. It was a hellova lot cheaper. Great exercise. Good cardio.

And I never woke up with a headache.

Advice to newly single people

The first year sucks, no matter who has done the leaving.

Drink, definitely, but not too much.

Date, definitely, but not too much.

Do not drink and date at the same time.

Do not get FAT. Never get FAT.

Try therapy.

Only buy single malt.

Masturbate.

And above all, keep your sense of humor.

To be continued…

Follow Violet on Twitter

Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. 
Subscribe to News24
Voting Booth
Do you think it's important to get married in this day and age?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes, it's important in order to create a family unit and for companionship
23% - 952 votes
Not at all. Being single is far more liberating
9% - 383 votes
There is no general answer to this, it's each to their own
49% - 2082 votes
Yes, society still frowns on unmarried people, especially women
1% - 58 votes
It depends on whether you are able to find a compatible partner
18% - 740 votes
Vote