Expert shares 4 common blind spots that could be ruining your relationship

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We all experience unique blind spots, but when they are not recognised, they can negatively impact our relationships. 

Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini says they are normal, but if you are attracting people in your life who don't love and value you, then you probably need to look at yourself before blaming them.  

Mary Jo highlights four common blind spots many relationships struggle with:

1. Denial and/or running away from negative feelings. Usually, you run into the same kind of negative feelings and have a lot of denial about what is really going on in life. You keep a pattern of negative thinking going, which is usually a blind spot and something you are not willing to admit. The only way to overcome denial is through personal growth - choosing to better understand yourself and practising bravery.

2. Experiencing the same relationship with different people. When people go out and say, 'I picked up the same person as my ex', usually, that has more to do with what they're putting out and what they are not dealing with. Situational awareness starts by closely examining those you surround yourself with, allowing you to define and develop new patterns of interrelating with others. New patterns must be based upon your honest needs rather than prioritising feeling accepted by your partner.

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3. Creating vague or blurry boundaries. You are not willing to put a firm line in the sand. You want to please others more than you want to protect your own values. That is another big blind spot. 

You start minimising the real you. Remember, you are trying to be liked, so you end up attracting the wrong people, the kind who make you feel lonely. You blame them oftentimes, but you really need to look at yourself. 

Essential to forming a healthy relationship is protective boundaries. A boundary communicates relationship security to your partner and allows them the freedom to be honest and vulnerable with you. If you remain vague or allow others to make decisions for you to win their approval, you put your relationship at risk for infidelity. Relationships require firm boundaries, and you cannot be firm when your self-esteem depends on pleasing others.

4. Presenting a fake you and minimising your true feelings. When you present a false persona, you prevent others from intimately knowing you. Dismissing or minimising true feelings sends false communication to those we love most. Do you feel as though people misread or misjudge you? Do they say things that are in opposition to the person you feel yourself to be? You may be presenting a false sense of yourself. Accepting yourself and your faults is the first step to tackling this issue. 

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Spend time reflecting upon the following questions about yourself and journal your responses:

  • What am I afraid to know?
  • What do I least want to accept?
  • What do I feel/sense without fully acknowledging it?

Mary Jo advises that you ask those closest to you for feedback about what they see in your actions and the negative situations you seem to attract. Reflect upon their feedback without defensive judgments, and be brave by acknowledging behaviours you fear most.

Additional information: Fox26houston online

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