Why dating your 'type' may be a red flag

accreditation
A young woman writes down a list of her past dating patterns
A young woman writes down a list of her past dating patterns

If you find yourself bouncing from one terrible relationship to another, one mess of a wo/man to another, like some sad movie on repeat, I have a piece of advice for you. You ready?

Now, before you say ‘yes’, just know that this will definitely change your dating life forever, okay? So. You SURE you’re ready? 

Okay. Hold onto your seats, folks, here goes…

The next time you meet Mr or Ms ‘Just My Type’, run for the hills. 

READ MOREOpen relationships are as good as monogamous ones

And I don’t mean: Go for a little jog along the scenic route. I mean: Run like the demon dogs of hell are gnashing at your heels. 

Yup. After my last dysfunctional relationship came to an end and I was sobbing into the beautiful chest of Lady Lou, she brought me to the light.

‘But he was just my type,’ I blubbed. ‘It made so much sense.’
  
‘That’s exactly the problem, darling,’ she drawled. ‘Your type is self-destructing men, so maybe next time don’t go for your type.’

‘Type.’ 

You know, some white coats reckon that we hook up with people who look more or less like ourselves, because that’s what we’re genetically programmed to do. Shrinks and soul people say ‘type’ is about repeating childhood traumas and relationship patterns until we learn to break it in ourselves. 

All I knew at that point with Lady Lou was that, although the guys I was getting involved with all looked different, they were all the same person to me. 

READ MOREAre you self-sabotaging your next possible relationship?

My type was everything I said I didn’t want and everything I fell for: unavailable, duplicitous, indirect, uninterested, self-destructive. 

‘My type’ was every kind of heart-ache and dysfunction I was comfortable with. 

In the unremarkable rom-com ThankYouHappyMorePlease, Mississippi (played by Kate Mara) tells a potential new romance: ‘The men I fall for are horrible and cruel. And if I'm here, you must be one of them.’

It became my mantra for a while. If a man interested me – if I found myself drawn to him and wanting to get emotionally involved WAY before there was any indication he was safe to get involved with – I backed away. 

And if that sounds sad to you, then good for you, you’ve probably never bounced from one yuck relationship to the next for so long that the title of your love life is essentially ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’. 

But therein lies the happy ending. 

READ MOREWomen are still not falling for the 'Nice Guy' trope and this is why

‘My type’ became a big red flag for two major markers: The type I had to avoid and what I needed to heal in myself to stop being attracted to them.

And I highly recommend this course of action for those of us who can’t yet tell a bad romance from a good one: Red flagging your type until the type of person you fall in love with changes – because you have.  

After all, there’s never a good reason to keep a sad movie on repeat unless you want to keep crying. 

Follow Dorothy on her blog and on Twitter. 

Sign up to W24’s newsletters so you don't miss out on any of our hot stories and giveaways.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For only R75 per month, you have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today.
Subscribe to News24
Voting Booth
Do you think it's important to get married in this day and age?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes, it's important in order to create a family unit and for companionship
28% - 5 votes
Not at all. Being single is far more liberating
6% - 1 votes
There is no general answer to this, it's each to their own
50% - 9 votes
Yes, society still frowns on unmarried people, especially women
0% - 0 votes
It depends on whether you are able to find a compatible partner
17% - 3 votes
Vote