‘I dated him for 6 years and saw him less than 20 times in that period’ - Woman on why she let go

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Illustration photo by Getty Images.
Illustration photo by Getty Images.
  • Nthabiseng Malebo recently broke off her relationship of six years with a partner she would only see two or three times a year.
  • In all these years, she had not met his family and children or any people who are close to him. 
  • He was financially supportive, but she says living in truth and her sanity comes first. 


It is not always easy to choose yourself and move on from a relationship that does not serve you anymore, especially where love is concerned. 

However, sometimes holding on to a relationship that is not growing or changing does more harm than good.

Nthabiseng Malebo finally decided to put herself first by letting go of a relationship that didn't serve her anymore.  She tells W24 why she decided to end the relationship of six years. 

READ MORE | 'Living apart for 14 years with the love of my life made me hold on to false hope'

Although she was in a relationship with a man who lived two hours away from her, Nthabiseng had never met his family or children. It also didn't seem like he was willing to change the situation.

"I saw my partner twice or three times a year. When I told him that this is not what I no longer wanted, he responded that my concerns are deep, and he hears me," she shares. 

READ MORE | How to spot gaslighting in your relationship

That was the last time she communicated with him. It was now up to her to decide what to do with the reality of her situation.

Letting go was not an easy decision, but Nthabiseng finally honoured herself as things were never going to change. She decided to leave the relationship.

"Living in truth makes my life easier, and I tell myself every day that I no longer have to live a double life. If he can keep you a secret to his family and the people who matter most to him, you are not worth it," she says.

"I truly understand what long-distance relationships and lies can do to a person. It's like dating a ghost. Everyone around you is alive, and you are slowly dying inside."

Part of her healing process includes writing a mini-book about her experience over the six years. She also has to explain the consider how the situation would affect her 12-year-old son because her partner had formed a relationship with him.

REA MORE | 'My partner of 9 years and father of my child is living a double life, I only see him 24 days a year'

"I could no longer explain this non-existing, once- or twice-a-year relationship. He used to do a lot for my son and me financially. That has affected us a lot, but we are strong. We will overcome. I knew my decision would affect certain aspects, but my sanity means more to me. His financial freedom was getting to his head, and I could no longer tolerate his attitude," she adds. 

Do you think Nthabiseng made the right decision? Tell us here.

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