Are black women looking for Mr White?

The dating landscape in South Africa has changed dramatically over the last two decades as more and more people date outside their race and culture.

It used to be that you were more likely to see a black man with a white woman than a white man with a sista. But, in recent years, the number of black women dating or marrying white men has increased. Even globally.


"I date white men with whom I have things in common," explains Nomfundo*.

"I find that black men, especially guys from ekasi, have hang-ups about taking a woman out for coffee, the theatre or even for a romantic dinner.

They think things like that will make them cheese boys and those are things I really enjoy, so why should I compromise on them? I mean, I went to private schools and that's what I have been exposed to."

False perception

Johannesburg psychologist, Gcina Sithole, says that in some instances, this increasing trend is driven by the false perception that white men treat women better than black men.

The white versus black men debate is a contentious issue, especially since it is based on personal experiences rather than cold, hard facts.

"It's a stereotype that white men have money and can thus look after a woman. On the other hand, black men are often seen as poor, callous and incapable of offering love and tenderness," says Sithole.

Sithole says that women need to be realistic and look for Mr Right and avoid simply looking for Mr White. "In my view, it does not matter if Mr Right is white or black, but looking specifically for Mr White taints that relationship and makes it suspicious even before it starts.

"Does it mean that a black woman looking for Mr White would settle for less in Mr Black if her search does not yield the desired results? This is an important question because it is very possible for a black woman never to find Mr White. She also has to remember Mr White may not necessarily be looking for Ms Black."

*Orginal article written by Thando Pato.

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