In particular, this bit where she says: “We swipe left in hopes of finding the right person. We try to special order our soulmate like a request on Postmates. We read 5 Ways to Know He’s Into You and 7 Ways to Get Her to Fall For You, in hopes of being able to upcycle a person into a relationship like a Pinterest project. We invest more time in our Tinder profiles than our personalities. Yet we don’t want a relationship.”
Being noncommittal and less willing to get emotionally involved is packaged as ‘a millennial problem’. But truly, it’s the pickle of our time. Instant gratification is at the order of the day and we are lapping it up, even when it comes to love.
From “The Girlfriend Experience” to “The Boyfriend Experience”
“The Girlfriend Experience” has been a movie and now a TV show, but this “experience” has been offered to men for years, mostly in major cities around the world, where women sell an escort service that goes “beyond the call of duty” so to speak.
Women sell more than sex, escorts are paid to give men the feeling of companionship, rather than just sexual gratification.
Going out to dinners, shows and even overseas trips; women simulate the experience of having a girlfriend without all the baggage that comes with allowing someone into your life so utterly and completely as you do a significant other.
But now, women are increasingly enjoying pseudo-boyfriends with no shame.
In Japan, for example, women are becoming more and more financially independent and are able to make choices around whether or not they want a family.
Vice says that some women are rejecting the idea of marriage, rather opting for career success and with their increased financial freedom comes new economic possibilities.
Vice also notes that: “Whether they're craving a shoulder to cry on, a hunk to take shots with, or a late-night cuddle, Tokyo-based women can fulfil their relational needs on demand and by the hour.”
A lot of these women are choosing not to have “traditional” relationships.
OddityCentral notes amongst the unusual services offered in Japan – like rent-a-crying-room and rent-a-solo-wedding - boyfriend rental is now also on the list. And it’s apparently as easy as ordering a pizza.
Next Shark reports that Rose Sheep, a Tokyo based company offers women sheep boys. Guys that will cuddle with “lonely” women at a price.Sheep referring to “counting sheep”.
Men range from 20 to 30 in age and are hired by women (usually in their 30s and 40s notes RocketNews24) for the main purpose of cuddling, napping together, cooking and general “boyfriend duties”.
Then there are the Tokyo host bars, as explored in the Vice documentary, Single Japanese Women Are Buying the Boyfriend Experience: Slutever, where you can go to be entertained by young attractive men. And instead of them stripping down to tiny leopard printed bum floss, serving you shots on their naked chests (a possible scene from an American film featuring a crazed bachelorette?), Kotaku.com notes it’s not about sex.
The inauthenticity of instant gratification
“This isn’t prostitution. You apparently cannot even kiss your rental boyfriend. Handholding and hugging are okay. This is more about companionship, and the feeling of excitement you get with someone. That’s the appeal,” reports Kotaku.com.
But, then, what about the question of inauthenticity? The interest the men show in you - it’s not real, is it? It’s scripted and performed for the one footing the bill.
While you’re spending time with another person, and quite literally investing in them (financially) it offers none of the true investment and romance and excitement that a real relationship would bring.
Now let’s think again about that HuffPost article that noted: “We invest more time in our Tinder profiles than our personalities”. For what? Instant gratification? And is that necessarily such a bad thing? Guess it depends how you value things.
Maybe that’s exactly what people want? Maybe people don’t want to have the real thing, but rather the inauthentic?
All the excitement without any of the commitment? Will this excitement not dull all too quickly, though?
You know what they say... Low risk, low reward.
Read more: “I fell for the same Tinder scam twice”
And at least women opting for “The Boyfriend Experience” are honest about it.