'Oh, here’s a bunch of flowers for your forgiveness' – What women really think about ‘apology’ gifts

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Illustration image by Getty images
Illustration image by Getty images
  • If we genuinely want to get rid of all the toxic behaviour and mindset in relationships, we have to discuss the little things that lead up to them.
  • Gifts, for one, are a beautiful gesture meant to show love and appreciation to your significant other; however, in the times we live in, gifts are used to buy forgiveness, once again ruining how we view this romantic gesture.
  • Often when we see a woman posting a bunch of red roses from her partner, all we can think of is, ‘what did he do?’ instead of, ‘that woman is truly loved by her man’.
  • These thoughts are not because we’re a bunch of haters, it’s the representation we constantly see in relationships today. Let’s dive further into ‘apology gifts’.

Apology gifts vary; however, the worst has to be the ones with no meaning, no experience and no thought put into them. 

Why wait till you do wrong to buy flowers? Those are available at the store 24/7, and if you truly valued the relationship, you shouldn’t wait for a specific moment to coup a beautiful bunch.

Apology gifts are meant to repair relationships after the damage has been done, possibly without any change in behaviour. According to Science Daily, gift exchanges can show how people think about others, what they value and enjoy, and how they build and maintain relationships.

READ MORE |If your loved ones constantly try to change you, they could be toxic and it could be time to walk away

Just as there are many who don’t believe in Valentine’s Day being the only day you show love to your partner, the same goes for gift-giving, it’s not for birthdays or asking for forgiveness. Apology gifts take away the positive outcome of an apology, which according to Wellness Coach Elizabeth Scott on Very Well Mind, lets the people you’ve hurt know you’re not proud of what you did and won’t be repeating the behaviour.

READ MORE | 'He kept an urn and told the women he cheated with I’m dead to explain my pictures around the house'

Apologies should be sincere acknowledging that you understand you have done wrong, and you will be changing your behaviour. Also when giving gifts, it is advisable to give gifts that allow the recipient to have an experience, such as skydiving, kayaking, race car driving or touring a vineyard.

Researchers, Cindy Chan and Cassie Mogilner, say experiential gifts produce greater improvements in relationships.

“The relationship improvements that recipients derive from experiential gifts stem from the emotion that is evoked when the gifts are consumed, not when the gifts are received. Giving experiential gifts is thus identified as a highly effective form of prosocial spending, and can have a greater impact on improving the relationship between the giver and receiver.”

READ MORE | From farts to burps, women share awkward moments that ended the honeymoon phase of their relationships

Women share their thoughts on ‘apology gifts’:

I don’t want a man who just apologises with his mouth only; there needs to be a thoughtful gift that follows the apology. The gift should represent ‘making up for what you did wrong’ not just a meaningless necklace I never said I wanted.
Natasha
The only apology gift I would ever receive is changed behaviour along with something unique for me.
Lelo
I once had a guy cheat on me and he apologised by buying me expensive branded items that I didn’t even like. Upon forgiving him, he went back and cheated on the same week again. I should’ve just seen with the gifts that his apology was not sincere. It had nothing to do with me.
Omi
I cannot stand apology gifts, you have all these days to shower me with love, yet that love only comes up when you’ve done me wrong. Miss me.
Anonymous
When it comes to an apology, you cannot buy it. Just like love, you can’t buy it. Men need to learn to earn these things.
Anonymous
A gift is a pleasant gesture, but it is not an apology. Ladies, can we please stop accepting these.
Jessie
OMG! I’m so triggered. No, Hell No! An apology requires honesty and a change of behaviour, not a box wrapped in a ribbon.
Anonymous
Apology gifts should be solely based on what the person has done, like if you cancelled dinner after I got ready. The next dinner you need to go all out.
Anonymous

Are you for or against apology gifts? Tell us here

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