How to date a type B personality if you are a type A


Follow Anja van der Spuy on her blog.

A while ago I wrote about dating an older guy, if you missed the article you can check it out here.

In the article I mention that age hasn’t really been an issue for us, but that it has been a bit of a challenge adjusting to each other’s personality types.

You know what they say: Opposites attract.

But what they don’t say is: Opposites attract. And then you have to learn how to deal with each other’s oppositeness.

Let me summarise my personality for you:

I love being on time for everything.

It’s not uncommon for me to be embarrassingly early for events. (This is why I have QuizUp on my phone.)

I really love routine and structure. I hate open-ended answers like “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Or, “Let’s just see how it goes.” No. Let’s make a plan to make sure that everything runs seamlessly and no one’s time gets wasted.

I like to get things done. Postponing stuff is always my last option.


So you’ll understand that it’s been an interesting challenge to date someone who is literally the opposite of everything I just listed. Hardworking, kind, ambitious… but so Type-B.

He once only showed up at his friend’s wedding mid-ceremony because he got the dates mixed up, and was mowing the lawn instead of watching his friend tie the knot.

And whenever he tells me he’ll fetch me at a certain time, I add 20 minutes to it to ensure that I don’t feel like I am waiting for him.


I have learned two things from dating someone Type-B:

A. Don’t try to change them. Both parties should learn to adapt.

B.They’ll teach you to sometimes stop your Time Nazi ways and just live a bit.

So how do you work around a Type-B’s approach to time?

Become a liar

If an event starts at 7, you tell them it starts at 6. So easy, yet so effective.


Get creative with calendars

I know my boyfriend has a lot on his plate, and he really never means to miss events/be late for them intentionally. So I’ve started sending him Google Calendar invites to basically anything he needs to remember.

It works like a charm. If your significant other isn’t tech savvy, you can opt for good old sticky notes on the fridge.


Learn how to accommodate each other’s priorities 

Type-Bs prioritise things differently to Type-A personality types.

Example: A fire starts 800m away from your house.

Type A: Omg the fire is just here. We need to get water or make a plan right now, Its coming!

Type B: The fire is far away, we have plenty of time to make a plan. It might not even come this way anyway.

I have learned that it puts unnecessary strain on a relationship to expect the other person to prioritise things the same way as you, and that it’s possible to find a happy medium between the two approaches.

For instance, when I needed help with a big task I had to do recently; instead of freaking out and attempting to do it all in one day (which is what I usually do), I did it over 2 weekends with my boyfriend’s help.

But just as he helped me to take things a bit slower, I push him to do things he postpones for ages.

Do what you can by yourself

Instead of waiting for your significant other to do something, do it yourself. (If you can.)

Even though I get bedonnerd when he wastes my time, or when our plans are wishy-washy. Dating someone so different to me has had a good impact on my life too. For instance: 

I have learned to let go a bit 

I mentioned this in my previous article, but I have become a bit more zen about things I used to be super anal about. I have learned that things don’t always have to happen immediately and it’s okay to sometimes postpone stuff a bit until I have the time/strength/patience to tackle it.

Life has been more interesting 

I used to be so set in my ways and now I have someone who forces me to take different routes.

Mostly I just love having someone to tell me I’m being silly

The other morning I was having a really irrational freak out over something insignificant, and then he gave me a hug to help me get over it and we started laughing about what a weirdo I am sometimes.

So if you’re dating someone who’s your complete opposite, I hope this article has inspired you to attempt to be more zen about your differences. And if that doesn’t help, imagine dating someone with the exact same personality as yours.


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