'I agreed to be the other woman for 5 years. He was 40 years older and his wife and kids knew me'

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Illustration photo by Getty Images
Illustration photo by Getty Images
  • Quora user Tabitha Thompson shared that she was the 'other partner' to a man 40 years her senior.
  • In the five years she was in the relationship she got to know his wife and children, who seemed accepting of her role in his life.
  • Meanwhile, another Quora user shared that her relationship with a married man didn't quite work out.
  • Here are their stories as shared on Quora, plus expert advice.

"Yes, I have met the children. My first sugar daddy was 40 years older than me, and his children were considerably older than me. I met his wife upfront on the first time we met. Then I met the children here and there during our nearly five-year arrangement," explains Tabitha.

READ MORE| 'Karma had its way with my ex-husband after he divorced me to marry my best friend of 16 years'

The man in question is a very wealthy businessman and has a particular image he likes to uphold. However, his wife was no longer interested in participating in some parts of his life due to her age.

"His wife admits that she is ageing and unwilling to participate in upscale social events like she used to," she shares, adding that he then chooses to be with younger women so they can do what his wife no longer wants to do. 

"She doesn't have a problem with it; they still love each other very much, but she doesn't possess the extreme sex drive that he does, and she doesn't like going to all of the 'see and be seen' functions." 

READ MORE| ‘I got married at 19, divorced at 21 - then my ex married my best friend, here’s what I learnt’

As part of the "deal," he paid for her studies, and she completed her engineering degree. He also bought her a brand new Range Rover SUV.

"Plus, I got to meet tons and tons of influential people (and celebrities). Yes, I met Sir Elton John, and he kissed me on my right cheek. I met Madonna and Barak Obama. I traveled with him on numerous business trips and weekend getaways. I'm a rock, reliable member of the Mile High Club! I lost my virginity at 27,000 feet in flight to New York City, my first time flying!"

Tabitha also met his kids, and they were mostly receptive to her participation in their father's life. "His youngest daughter used to call me now and then just to chat and see how things were going. His wife used to call me before trips to remind me to make sure he takes his medicine. Overall, it was a good experience."

READ MORE| 'I hooked my sister and my ex up. They are now engaged, but I still have feelings for him'

On the other had another anonymous Quora user, Stacey* shared that she dated a guy who had been living separately from his wife for a year when they met. He had said he no longer loved his wife and asked for a divorce several times, twelve to be exact, between 2017 and 2018. But the wife had apparently always refused.

"I would not have dated him in secrecy," shares Stacey. "I am polyamorous. I suggested to him that he give her the option to open their marriage rather than a divorce. I contacted her to make sure she was aware of what was going on. She was not open to opening their marriage. I can't blame her; that's not what she signed up for."

In the end, he ended up reconciling with the wife. "As far as I'm concerned, it worked out for all of us. I have a new partner that I probably would not have met otherwise, and he and I are a much better match, and we are both unmarried, so that helps, too," reflects Stacey.

READ MORE | Pretoria woman on how opening her marriage after infidelity made her happier, plus expert advise

In a previous W24 article exploring infidelity Cape Town-based Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Samuel Waumsley shared, "Affairs usually don't end well. If we find ourselves seeing someone who is seeing someone else, we may ask ourselves why we would want to see someone but not 'have' them completely, not be their only love, and be part of something dishonest ultimately.

"Surely, we deserve more than that? When dealing with and addressing difficult and complicated psychological patterns and behaviours that we find ourselves repeating, we always must ask why; how has this developed, and why do I do it?"

Dr. Waumsley continued, "Perhaps in some cases this is because we didn't receive unfettered and enough love growing up: so that type of relationship is what we're used to. Some people prefer complicated multiple relationships, and that's fine, if everyone involved knows (like in polyamorous relationships), and there isn't obfuscation and dishonesty, really. But if we're unhappy though or frustrated as somebody's 'no. 2' then I think my message is we do have a right to complain or leave."  

What's your love story? Tell us about it here.

* Not her real name


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