"I arranged a meeting with his side chick to get closure"

A woman contacts the person her partner has been cheating with
A woman contacts the person her partner has been cheating with

Closure, apparently.

While I am very skeptical of this "healing" method I spoke to Kensani* a 27 year old woman who had been in a long term relationship with John for more than five years when she found that he'd been seeing someone else for a whole two years – while still in a relationship with her.

Kensani decided an important part of getting over her partner's infidelity was to meet the woman he never told her about.

READ MORE: Is having a 'side piece' the new dating norm?

Read her story below:

"I first met John while studying. We attended the same university, although he was a couple of years ahead of me. Our relationship became very serious very quickly. Not that I minded – I was very taken by this ambitious, serious yet still humorous young man.

Before John, I kind of evaded the dating scene so this relationship thing was all so new to me and I was quite smitten. My friends would call it stupidly in love, back then I didn't know why but I definitely do now.

In just a few months John and I became increasingly serious, although there were many warnings from my friends and family to slow things down, we moved in together after only six months of dating.

While living together did mean a bit of financial stress, I enjoyed our new living arrangement. According to me, everything was perfect.

We did everything together, and even though we fought sometimes, I can't say that moving in with John had been a mistake. Nearly three years went by, and though things weren't exactly dandy, we were doing quite well for ourselves.

Both of us were doing great in our respective fields and were quite comfortable financially. One problem we were facing though was finding time to be together. My job as an accountant kept me quite busy and his job as an engineer was quite demanding as well.

Things got so hectic that I would only see him a few times a week when he'd arrive late from work and I'd be leaving early in the morning. Basically we'd keep "missing" each other.

Even though I felt quite upset that we were no longer as close as we were before, I couldn't exactly pin the blame on John  since both of us were working hard for a "better future together". Or at least that's what John would tell me whenever I brought up the issue of us never seeing each other anymore.

READ MORE: Is non-monogamy for you?

Months passed and our once love-filled relationship was moving along not exactly loveless but just as a routine. Something that we both grew accustomed to being in but not really excited about.

One day while preparing for our annual anniversary dinner, John was taking a shower and his phone was charging by the bed. A notification popped up. While I had never felt the need to check his phone, I happened to glance at it.

The text read "I miss you baby" from someone saved as Ntando. Naturally, I was curious, and angry or sad. To be honest, at the time I had no clue how to feel or how I was feeling. I saved the number while I thought about how I should react. Naturally, I didn't want to jump to any conclusions or act hastily. I've never really been the confrontational type.

So I went through with the  anniversary dinner date, and although dying to break down and cry the entire duration of what was meant to be a celebration of our five-year-long relationship, I kept a straight face and even managed to crack a smile here and there. Admittedly, the celebratory champagne played a huge role in that regard.

The next day I told one of my closest girlfriends about the text and she had no reservations about the matter and simply said that he was cheating.

Although it might've been clear to everyone else, I was obviously in denial. Still, I needed more evidence. I was with him for so long. Would he actually cheat?

So my friend and I plotted me getting John's phone, for a more "thorough investigation". When I finally did, unsurprisingly enough, there were hundreds, maybe thousands of texts between John and Ntando dating back to two years ago.

READ MORE: DJ Zinhle forgives AKA and Bonang: Here’s why it’s really good for her

I was shocked. Speechless. And more than anything, I was hurt. Honestly I contemplated smashing all his things and then I contemplated killing him, but eventually I called my girls who came through with some wine and managed to calm me down.

Although I was calmed and surrounded by loved ones, a million questions were swirling around my head. I needed an outlet.

Next was something I dreaded doing, the confrontation with John. I didn't know where to start. Nevertheless I arranged for us to have a talk. He confirmed my suspicions and asked me what I wanted do now. Honestly, I didn't even know. And he didn't seem to concerned about me finding out, and he wasn't exactly begging for forgiveness.

I ended the relationship and moved out swiftly. Months passed and I was still as heartbroken as ever.

One night after a few glasses of wine and fixating on my ex's social media, I got the crazy idea to call Ntando. With no bff there to stop me, I did it. And there I was on a call with the side chick. At first I didn't know what to say and then the words just slipped out.

"Hi this is Kensani, John's gf of the last five years, well ex-girlfriend now. He was seeing you while he was still with me. Can I see you for a few minutes tomorrow, just to talk?"

READ MORE: "I made friends with the woman who was dating the guy I was seeing"

She sounded reluctant but I pleaded with her, and she agreed. And so the next day we met.

She was more beautiful then I expected and she had a great body. After noticing these things I hated myself for arranging this meeting but I sat down, ordered a drink and prepared to receive closure.

She was beautiful and though it feels strange to admit, a really nice girl. She was a third year law student and had met John at a club. They had been seeing each other for two years and she had no clue that he had a girlfriend or that he was living with someone.

A very angry part of me wanted to scream that she was a liar, while the rational part of me knew that she wouldn't have agreed to meet me had she known about me and so I listened to her accounts of meeting him and the hotels he would take her to because he had told her that he stayed with his mom and dad, who he would introduce to her when the time was right.

To be honest she seemed just as hurt and shocked as I was and so it was hard to be mad at her. What was meant to be a twenty minute meeting ended in an hour filled with tears, realisations, shared pain and anger towards John.

Honestly I didn't know what I expected from our meeting but I left with closure. I wasn't the only hurt person, I wasn't the only one who's heart was broken by John. He didn't single me out to hurt me because I wasn't good enough for him. I was just a victim of a selfish man who expected more than he deserved."

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