I’m secretly dating my ex. We divorced 6 years ago, leaving irreparable damage between our families

Illustration. Photo by Getty Images
Illustration. Photo by Getty Images
  • W24 reader, Janet has been divorced for the last six years, but remained pleasant with her ex for the sake of their children.
  • Over time, they developed feelings for each other again and started to be romantically involved.
  • Their families are unaware that they've rekindled their romance as a lot of tension had built up during their divorce, with relatives picking sides.
  • The couple's children are also unaware that their parents have reconciled.
  • Here's their story:

I write this from my office during lockdown, heavy-hearted with the change in working life.

I am even more strained because the man I am secretly dating will be away on business for three weeks. This will make our top-secret rendezvous sessions even more difficult than usual.

READ MORE: Couple capture daring wedding pictures on the edge of a cliff to make up for Covid-19 disappointment

I pride myself in being a devoted mom of two incredible children — sometimes used as an excuse for never dating since getting divorced six years ago. My boys tease me that I will become the 'crazy cat lady' if I don't get out and meet new people (i.e., a new man). But truth be told, I have a partner - their father.  

Neither of us has ever really recovered from our divorce, which was my doing, but that's a story for another time.

In fact, we jokingly acknowledge the anniversary of our divorce and pretend we don't remember what would have been our wedding anniversary date.

READ MORE: 11 ways to spot an emotionally unavailable partner and save yourself some heartache

I carry the guilt of the divorce, which happened when our children were young, and I swore to include my ex-husband in the boys' lives as much as possible.

This led to the two of us learning to be better people due to having to be nice and cordial to each other in front of our children. And then it happened — we fell in love with each other again and this time even harder than the first time around.

READ MORE: Dating over Zoom? Don’t be surprised if those online sparks fizzle in person

Regrettably, the damage was done during the divorce proceedings, which cannot be fixed. Families and friends chose their sides and the lines of loyalty were drawn, resulting in our newfound love for each other having to remain secret.  

How do we manage to keep this new candle burning without letting on that we are dating? We call each other daily, make time for each other at least once a week and do something which lacked considerably during our marriage — we now communicate.

READ MORE: Top tips to get your romantic life back on track post-lockdown, according to a dating coach

When there is nothing to lose, you manage to express your fears, concerns, excitement-with no frills attached.

More so, you find yourself overlooking the things that used to drive you mad, like towels on the floor, when you lived together-you now have a choice to make a big issue of it or go to your own home and have a break.

My boys are often asked if they are sure their parents are divorced as they get to spend time with both of us — well, if only they knew!

What's your love story? Tell us about it here.

* Name changed to protect her identity

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