To pawn or to keep: Woman lets go of wedding ring she wore for 11 years long after divorce

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Thandiwe Mothiba. Image supplied
Thandiwe Mothiba. Image supplied
  • Thandiwe Mothiba finally took off the wedding ring she had worn for 11 years.
  • Her marriage had ended, but she kept it on while holding on to what it used to represent.
  • She shares what letting go of this 'thing' has changed her life for the better. 

It has been six months since Thandiwe Mothiba finally took her wedding ring off that she had worn for 11 years. 

Even though her ex-husband left their home years ago, she never took it off. "The ring was part of me. I loved wearing it, loved the diamonds on it too," she says. 

"It would deter some of the men from chasing me around. It gave me confidence that when I walked into a room with couples, the women would not think I was about to snatch their men. It also gave me some false pride that somehow I was better than those who did not wear it. No wonder I held on to it."

ring, let go, self love, woman
It has been six months since Thandiwe Mothiba stopped wearing her once treasured diamond ring. Image supplied

READ MORE | Divorced, broken up – here's what you need to know about finding love the second time around

The marriage was over but letting go of what was once a sacred symbol of her marriage was not that easy. But when she was ready, she did it. 

"The day I removed it, I felt naked, ashamed and guilty. A few days after removing it, I was tempted to wear it again, knowing very well that what it represented no longer existed. I'm glad I didn't. How could a small object like a ring have so much influence on me?" she says. 

"I'm here, and I'm still me, beautiful, valuable etc., even without the ring. Now I need to pawn this thing for some extra cash."

relationship, marriage, ring, let go, self love, w
Her plan is to pawn her wedding ring. Image supplied.

Thandiwe dabbles as a life and business coach on Facebook, and she urged other men who are also holding on to things that no longer represent what no longer exists to let it all go. 

READ MORE | 'I stayed with my ex for 4 more years after realising it's over' - why we stay in dead relationships

"It's time to remove that, let go. The ring was not the issue but it was about what it represented. It meant I was still married even though I wasn't. There's was no way I could make room for a new ring if I kept on holding on to the old one. It was holding me back. It kept me entangled in a lie," she adds. 

 It is not always that things we hold on to relate to relationships. Sometimes, things give a false sense of pride and identity, like forging a lifestyle you can't afford and being afraid of what people say and think of you.  

ring, let go, self love, woman
Thandiwe Mothiba has let go and could not be more liberated. Image supplied

READ MORE | What does it take to gain self-worth? Angela Hardy shares how she did it and transformed her life

Here are Thandiwe's tips on how to let go:

  • You come first. You matter. You are no better to anyone if you aren't taking care of yourself. Love yourself first.
  • Get the necessary professional help counselling and coaching to heal from past trauma.
  • Sometimes we get stuck in abusive relationships because we can identify with (pain, hurt), and we know nothing else. You are not your past. Your roles, possessions, qualifications, accolades etc. You are valuable as you are. Be authentic and know that you can always start again. I did! 

Do you have things you need to let go of? Tell us here.

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