Toxic relationship habits you need to quit in the new year to avoid a disastrous break-up

Young Couple
Young Couple

If you want to build and nurture a strong meaningful relationship, then you definitely need learn how to compromise and ditch a few bad habits.

We spoke to relationship expert Paula Quinsee who shared some bad relationship habits that could potentially ruin your relationship, and how you can avoid them.

READ MORE: 13 relationship red flags to watch out for

You are always on the phone

According to a study by the University of Chicago, the simple presence of a phone in the room causes a decrease in cognitive capacity and attention focus. The reason being, you subconsciously worry about missed calls and other phone notifications. 

Scrolling through your Twitter when you are supposed to be spending quality time with your beau is a bad habit. They may feel neglected even when you claim to be "totally listening". You need to be more present, and that means putting that phone away. 

"Stop living your relationship on social media. Instead invest your time and energy on your relationship and your partner. Spend quality time together without the distraction of social media, do things together and talk about stuff that matters to the two of you," says Paula.

READ MORE: "I arranged a meeting with his side chick to get closure"

You don't like to share

You forgot what your momma taught you - “Sharing is caring”. It’s important that you learn to allow your partner to lean on you and vice versa.

Life coach Dallas Munkholm says sharing is important in a relationship because it denotes the amount of trust you have for each other.

Author Anthony Robbins shares the same sentiments, highlighting that some people are all about taking and not giving.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
Go ahead, share your resources with your partner because it is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

You are passive aggressive

Passive aggressive behaviour is when they ask you what’s wrong and you say “nothing”, while giving them an attitude for the next three hours. That is a toxic habit. Ditch it. 

Passive aggressive habits are common among women. According to a study done by the Department of psychology Professor Tracy Vaillancourt, women are more passive aggressive by nature.

However, learning to express anger in a healthy way is very important. Telling your partner “I’m fine" or “it’s okay” when you are visibly upset is a poor way to communicate and can be very frustrating for your partner.

"Expecting our partners to read our minds or dropping hints instead of outright communicating where you’re at will only lead to frustration on both sides," advises Paula.

READ MORE: Why a breakup with a friend hurts more than a relationship split

Giving them the silent treatment doesn’t resolve your problems either. Don’t lead your beau on a wild goose chase to figure out your problem. Talk about what is bothering you and once the issue has been resolved, let it go.

You can be overly critical

Honesty in a relationship is important, but being over critical can lower your partner’s self-esteem. Critical behaviour includes insulting their weight, appearance, job or family while making them feel worthless.

Remember, there is a difference between constructive criticism and being just plain nasty.

"Communication is key in every relationship so rather focus your energy on developing your communication skills which will ensure you both feel connected and it goes a long way to building intimacy," Paula recommends.

READ MORE: WATCH: Jada Pinkett Smith reflects on the effects of divorce

Keeping score

"Avoid keeping score as to who is right and who is wrong all the time. It’s important to be able to resolve conflict in a respectful way where both parties feel heard, acknowledged and able to find a middle ground.

"When you’re constantly trying to justify your thoughts, actions and behavior, it is emotionally draining and will result in a toxic spiral break-up," emphasises Paula.

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