4 years and counting without sex - woman commits to celibacy as she awaits a deserving partner

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Nompumelelo Lelo Mflori is celibate and at peace with her decision. Image supplied by Nompumelelo.
Nompumelelo Lelo Mflori is celibate and at peace with her decision. Image supplied by Nompumelelo.
  • Nompumelelo Lelo Mflori, 32, is a celibate woman and at peace with her decision to wait for the right man and marriage.
  • She started abstaining after realising that her relationships end once the dance is done.
  • Lelo says it has been a fulfilling journey of healing and spiritual growth she would never compromise for pleasurable strokes.


Abstaining was a decision made after she realised a pattern in her life, where she would have sex with men and the relationship would end right after the intimate dance.

Nompumelelo Lelo Mflori, 32, tells W24 that she intentionally decided to stay away from intimacy with anyone three years before she decided to be celibate, which was a year ago. 

"It is some form of self-care; I feel like when you have sex with someone, you give them power over your emotions and your well-being. And when you break [up] with that person, you are left to heal more than just a broken heart."

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Lelo says she is at a point in her life where she has healed, is whole and can make sober-minded decisions without any emotional attachment.

Going through a cycle of disappointment and a broken heart was emotionally crippling. "I could not understand why it was so difficult to get over someone after you've slept with them, and I also learned this after breaking up with someone without doing the deed with them. It was so easy to let go," she says.

As her self-awareness amplified, Lelo decided not to put herself through the turmoil as she started her celibacy journey over a year ago.

READ MORE | No more cuddling or sharing one bed for celibate couple after 5 years of dating and having a child

"My celibate journey was more of a spiritual conviction. I started learning more spiritual truths, about sex (soul ties, generational curses etc.) and I also realised that sex comes with expectations and commitment. Once you sexually give yourself to your partner, you start having expectations and you want more commitment than what they can give you at the time," she says. 

It has been four years of not having sex and she could not be any fuller. Now she is interested in meeting someone deserving of who she is, love them for who they are and never be clouded by the pleasurable strokes.

"There are no emotional attachments and I never have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases or worry about pregnancy or taking contraceptives," Lelo says.

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Lelo isn't dating at the moment. She admits it gets difficult to explain to someone she just met, especially when we do not share spiritual beliefs. "One thing about me, I put all my cards on the table during the 'getting to know each other stage' because honesty is the best policy, right!?

"If they lose interest after telling them I am celibate, well, I guess that comes with the choices that I have made," she explains.

READ MORE | How much sex are other couples having? Plus, more intimacy questions answered

She says the recurring misconception is that she is celibate because she is single. "I could have given it all up, but I am intentional about this journey. People will always ask me why I decided to be celibate in a generation where men can get sex without even begging for it, but honestly, it is a personal choice. This journey is also not so bad; some people find it inspiring."

Lelo doesn't come from a Christian home or background and says sometimes her family will make fun of her but she doesn't take offence. "It is okay because no one forced this upon me and I am at peace. That is all that matters," she says.

Would you consider abstaining or being celibate? Tell us about it here.

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