Sex coach on 7 ways your sex life can get better in 2023

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Illustration by Getty Images
  • Sex and intimacy coach Kgomotso Masela shares 7 ways to get better at sex in the new year.
  • While on the path of a "new me" with your diet, love life, and career goals, she says, don't forget to think about a new way of bringing some spark into the bedroom. 
  • "One of the biggest things that prevent us from living our best sex lives is the many things running around in our minds; the brain is the biggest sex organ," Masela says. 


While on the path of a "new me" with your diet, love life, and career goals, Kgomotso Masela says, please don't forget to think about a new way of bringing some spark into the bedroom. 

"Unfortunately, sex is the last thing people think about when evaluating their lives, forgetting its importance in having a healthy relationship and sex life," the intimacy coach says. 

READ MORE | Need better sex this festive season? Do this and you might get lucky

When was the last time you asked your partner if they were sexually satisfied? Better yet, was the last time you enjoyed sex with your partner?

Kgomotso says we need to invest in sex and intimacy in our relationships as much as we do in other things that keep a relationship well-oiled.

7 ways to get better at sex in 2023, according to Kgomotso 

1. Time for yourself

Have time for yourself, and do things that make you happy. Explore pleasure points on your body – this will make it easy to direct your partner to those erogenous zones you have discovered. 

2. Communicate

Talk about your wants and needs, and discuss your expectations of each other in the relationship and, most importantly, the bedroom. Be open to sharing your sexual thoughts without fear of judgement. Create a comfortable environment that allows freedom of speech without limitations. Discuss your sexual fantasies and all those dirty thoughts.

READ MORE | Never had a climax during sex? Here's why and what to do to avoid having to fake it

3. Spend quality time together

Build a strong bond in a relationship by spending quality and intimate time together as a couple. This helps a lot in 'checking' in on each other outside the usual day-to-day activities. Set up date nights, and make it a rule that the only conversation you have is about the relationship – nothing else! Find activities that you both enjoy and do them together. Sex becomes good when intimacy is explored.

4. Prioritise sex in your schedule

Life gets too busy with a lot of things that need to be attended to; sex may be the last thing on the to-do list, so putting it in a schedule is one way of ensuring the 'task' gets done as it should! 

READ MORE | How sex toys helped me under the sheets: 'I learnt to orgasm properly on my own'

5. Change location 

A different location or atmosphere brings about a different type of thinking, brings a different mindset, and usually produces different results. One is not limited to usual surroundings. You could change from the bedroom to other areas in the house or book into a B&B (no neighbours will complain about the noise).

6. Get out of your head

One of the biggest things that prevent us from living our best sex lives is the many things running around in our minds; the brain is the biggest sex organ - if it is not taken care of, sex becomes mundane. It's important to find ways to relax by not thinking too hard. Some may do this by drinking a glass of wine, doing yoga, and having a joint.

Whatever it takes to relax the mind and only focus on pleasure. I’m sure most people have a story of the one time they had crazy drunk sex; that's because they were 'out of the head' and more relaxed. 

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7. Use of accessories

Now, this may sound scary to most, but I used the word accessories to cover the broad aspect of external things to spice things up. Lubricant, for one, is the first way to have a smooth ride – a journey is most enjoyable on a smooth road! Adding a few accessories, such as Spicey Dice from Spicey Luscious, whips, cuffs, etc., is another way to stimulate the mind and do things differently. 

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