Bondage is appealing for good reason – it heightens the anticipation for the one who's receiving the pleasure. But anything with locks and keys, Velcro or straps may freak her out (us, too), so try this: while you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so that she can't do anything with her arms (think of a burrito or straightjacket). Leave her head, shoulders and lower legs uncovered. Now kiss every inch of exposed skin. It's simple, spontaneous and soft-core.
Many women who are insecure about their bodies stick to the missionary position because you can't see their bodies that way. If you really can't see her because your eyes are covered, she'll do a lot more with you, to you and for you.
Before you enter her, ask if it's okay. "Some women find it incredibly endearing," says Dr Barnaby Barratt, president of the American association of sex educators, counsellors and therapists.
"It gives them a sense of respect. It gives them the security to become more sexually relaxed." And when you're first entering her, kiss her lips or caress her face. "Give her stimulation in addition to penetration," adds De Villers.
After you first enter her, do it again – slowly. Repeat it over and over. "One of the huge turn-ons is anticipation," says De Villers. "Don't pull out all the way, but when you pull almost all the way out, she gets the anticipation of the stroke that comes back in."
Do it in public
Or just pretend. Exhibitionism is a secret thrill for many women, but the threat of arrest deters them. So have sex standing up, with her near the bedroom window. It's easy to duck out of the way. If she's half-clothed, your neighbours will be none the wiser.
Take a swig of champagne before going down on her, then use your tongue to swirl the bubbles around her clitoris. Nerve endings react to bubbles. In a very good way.
Use the spin cycle
"The washing machine is the biggest vibrator in the house," says Hodson. Sit on it and have her sit on top of you – the vibrations carry through your penis. And the hot cycle gets the longest, fastest spin.
Go into the closet
Work the angle
Tilting her pelvis by about 26 degrees allows for maximal contact between your body and her clitoris, that elusive magic button that has been known to rock women's worlds – and minimise demands for foreplay. Liberator Shapes at www.liberator.com is an international distributor of velvet cushions that can be used to comfortably create that magical angle. (Feel free to adjust the angle slightly – evidence suggests that 27 degrees works just as well.)
Or call a squeeze play
With her face down and you on top, have her cross her legs, and position yours outside of hers. Her vagina will feel tighter and the added friction will mean more pleasure.
When you're on top, place her legs over your shoulders. This shortens her vaginal canal, so your penis feels bigger inside her.
Stand by your woman
For better from-behind sex, have her kneel on the edge of the bed with her upper chest touching the mattress. This elongates the vaginal barrel, making it feel tighter. You get a fantastic view, and she'll enjoy the nipple stimulation from rubbing the mattress.
Make it easy
For oral sex, stand while your partner kneels or sits on the bed. This angle lets her take more of you, gives her better control and is less tiring.
Let her give you a pearl necklace
But not a real one. Lightly lubricate the pearls and your penis. Have your partner wrap the pearls around the shaft and slowly stroke up and down with a gentle rotation. The beads feel warm and smooth, creating a new level of sensation.