Nudes: To send or not to send? A sex expert says, 'All's fair in eroticism' - but there are rules

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All the rules of sex demand safety and reliability, and mutual respect.
All the rules of sex demand safety and reliability, and mutual respect.
Photo: Westend61/Getty Images
  • Sex Therapist Louis Venter from Couples Help says sending nudes has to do with being desired and being wanted sexually.
  • However, it can be an awkward position where one partner wants to do it, and the other doesn't. 
  • Venter advises against sending nudes to strangers, "Scams are going around regarding this, and people are being blackmailed."

Not everyone likes taking naked pictures of themselves to send to someone else. However, some people simply don't mind clicking away for that 'sexy' picture.

Is it really necessary? Some people may ask. The same things do not arouse us, so our preferences will differ.

Sex Therapist Louis Venter from Couples Help says sending nudes has to do with being desired and being wanted sexually. 

READ MORE | People who've sent nudes fear they could be leaked, both men and women keep naked pics, says survey

"It is about arousal and the probability of having intercourse with the person you are sending to.

"The secrecy makes it highly erotic and creates the fantasy world. All is fair in eroticism and play, and you could do that if that is your thing... Sex is a play. It starts in the mind and the imagination."

Louis says this often happens at the beginning of a relationship. "It is part of the erotic game." 


READ MORE | Porn is fantasy and can create unrealistic expectations in a relationship, experts warn

According to him, there is often a disconnection between two people where one partner wants to do it, and the other doesn't. 

It can be an awkward position to be in, wanting to cater to a request, especially of someone you just met and find attractive. Louis says, unfortunately, it is not always advisable to send nudes to people.

"It is very dangerous to have naked pictures on your phone because of cyber security. If you do that, you need to be in a trusting relationship where both of you are safe. The last thing you want is your partner sharing pictures of you at a golf day."

READ MORE | Has your sex life become mundane? These 5 sex positions might change that

All the rules of sex demand safety and reliability, and mutual respect.

"I would not recommend anyone to do it if they are not in a secure relationship and they don't trust the person. There is hate porn distributed when you break up.  

"Don't send nudes to people you don't know. Scams are going around regarding this, and people are being blackmailed."

What has been your experience with sending nudes? Tell us here.

In 2020 President Cyril Ramaphosa signed the Film and Publications Amendment Bill into law which highlights hate speech, child pornography and revenge porn. It states that "any person who knowingly distributes private sexual photographs and films in any medium including through the internet, without prior consent of the individual or individuals and where the individual or individuals in the photographs or films is identified or identifiable in the said photographs and films, shall be guilty of an offence and liable upon conviction”.

The penalty for this offence may include a fine of up to R300 000, imprisonment for up to four years or both.

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