After my transition I am happy for the first time in my life

I’m a transgender woman. I was assigned male at birth, but for as long as I can remember I struggled with my gender identity. I first shared my story with Women24 back in 2013.

READ: How I became a woman

READ: Born in the wrong body

My story was difficult to share because I was scared of society and how people would react. Most of my early writings were done using aliases while I was coming to terms with who I was. My transition story was one of many ups and downs. I shared my battles to obtain my medical reports to officially change my gender at Home Affairs.

News24 also covered my battles to obtain my changed ID from Home Affairs.

As difficult as this journey has been, it has been life changing and wonderful. I want to share with you how my life has changed over the last 30 months since I first shared my story in 2013.

Once upon a time, there was a child who was stuck in a life they didn’t understand or want. Every single day of their life felt like a horrible curse they wished would end. One day this child knelt next to their bed, tears streaming down their face begging God to fix this horrible mistake. They were never a boy, she was a little girl stuck in an unaccepting, unforgivable world. She wished she was never born. She wished every day she was dead.

READ: I'm not sir - trans woman to Home Affairs

Every single day of her life was a battle. No one saw her pain and sorrow. She was afraid to tell the world her truth, then one day she reached a T-junction in her live. She only had two options going forward. Either she could go on living a lie in pain and sorrow knowing she would eventually take her own life, or she could for once listen to her heart and fight for the changes she needed in her life. She decided to stand up and fight for herself and her happiness. It was time to stop worrying about the judgement of the world. It was time to listen to what her heart had told her all these years.

Never in her life did she fight for anything so difficult, and yet so important. She had many days she wanted to give up, but luckily she had people in her life who believed in her and her dream. They believed in her the days she didn’t believe in herself. Although she often would get knocked down, she would always get up and fight another day.

One day she woke up and realised her heart wasn't heavy, she didn’t hate herself anymore. She realised she could look at herself in the mirror and for once be happy, love herself. Yes, she made it! That little child who begged God to help her finally had her prayer answered. She finally broke out of her cocoon, she was free. She wakes up grateful, with a happy heart every morning. Her life can now be summed up every day by the American Authors song, “Best day of my life”.

READ: He was brilliant – trans woman on Home Affairs official

My transition did not only save my life, it improved my life on so many levels. Trans people sometimes believe they are unlovable and/or will never find love. Through my journey I found the love of my life. I wake up every day, happy and grateful to be alive. I’m thankful to all the people who supported, believed in me and helped me along this difficult journey. I’m being treated by the most amazing medical team. In the end, despite all the ups and downs, everything worked out for me.

I hope others who have the same struggles will be encouraged by my story and find the strength for their own journeys.  Remember, some people are born in their bodies; others have to fight for it!

“I regret nothing in my life even if my past was full of hurt; I still look back and smile, because it made me who I am today.” ~Unkown~

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