I’m tired of talking about racism

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A colleague of mine asked if I’d seen the video of a young girl speaking on the recent police shootings in America. I immediately rolled my eyes, an involuntary reflex, I promise.

Although I'd become desensitised to the #BlackLivesMatter dialogue, I checked it out nonetheless.

The young girl in question was Zianna Oliphant, the brave young queen who gave an emotional testimony to the Charlotte City Council after, yet another, police shooting of a black man.

Tears streamed down my face at the sight of a child speaking on a matter she shouldn't even be exposed to at her age.  I then realised that I was more saddened by my reaction to the video; the fact that I felt exhausted instead of angry. 

"I'm done arguing with disingenuous individuals who honestly have absolutely nothing to lose"

I've grown weary of addressing racism. I'm emotionally and mentally gatvol, and I'll be using every synonym of exhausted to make my point.

I'm tired of being perceived as disruptive whenever I address issues of racism and how they affect me as a black person first, and a black woman, second. Society would much rather have my voice silenced.

Read more: How to be an ally to the Black Lives Matter movement

I'm drained from having to tolerate white people preaching about "transformation" when their first instinct is to either get defensive, turn the other cheek or cringe when instances of racism are brought to the surface. 

What a lot of my white acquaintances fail to understand is that, for your opinion to hold any weight, you first need to meet black people at our level and acknowledge your white privilege.

I'm sick of having to explain why "everything has to be about race" when a hard-working black person gets overlooked for a job that is ultimately given to a white person who's less experienced, but is cocky AF in their mediocrity.

"I'm too numb to give a fuck anymore"

I'm done arguing with disingenuous individuals who honestly have absolutely nothing to lose. I'm blasé about losing my cool regarding why the concept behind 'all lives matter' is horseshit.

I'm too numb to give a fuck anymore.

In the same breath, I'm frustrated by the lack of solidarity among us as a people and how quickly we break each other down to be accepted by another race or make them feel comfortable.

I've recognised how deep we've been conditioned to believe that the white race is superior, and I'm fed up with trying to convince the less enlightened of us otherwise. 

It's obvious that nothing is about to change, at least not in our lifetime, so why even bother trying to change something that's existed for centuries? The next time someone tries to involve me in a race debate or tries to solicit my opinion on anything that has to do with the topic, I will simply say no.  

I now fear that scrolling through every #streetfashion #petsofinstagram and #foodie post on my Instagram feed is a better use of my time.

Share your thoughts with us. Send us an e-mail to Chatback@W24.co.za and we could feature your story in a future article.

Read more:

- Readers respond to #RacismAtPretoriaGirlsHigh

- 10 ways the beauty industry tells you being beautiful means being white

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