#MenAreTrash is not about bad dating experiences


Yesterday South Africa was shaken by the news that yet another woman, Karabo Mokoena, has been murdered by her boyfriend. Social media fast became a triggering environment for many.

And to add salt to the wounds of many victims of domestic violence and rape, a lot of male public figures and their (male) fans flippantly responded to the outpourings of grief and anger with "women must be vigilant" and "don't call us trash."

Newsflash! Our entire existence is based on "vigilance." The minute we leave the house, we worry we may never return. Heck, a lot of us don't even need to leave the house to have to be "vigilant."

So no, DA L.E.S and co, rather tell your homies to stop talking about us like we're disposable goods, to call out your friends when they cheat instead of applauding them, to tuck in their misogyny because that's where the violence starts - it doesn't miraculously happen overnight.

And if you think our outrage against gender-based abuse and violence is based on hypothetical scenarios and isolated news stories, then please take a look at all these tweets of lived experiences from real women you probably interact with on Twitter daily.

On rape and sexual assault

On abuse and femicide

On street harassment and daily fear

Read more: 'Penis seats' highlight problem with sexual harassment o public transport

It took a lot out of South African women to come forward with these traumatic stories and we wish them healing and strength. 

And in case it wasn't clear earlier on in this article, I must reiterate - telling us to be vigilant only excuses what men put women through instead of addressing it. Telling us to be vigilant makes it seem like women are at fault for existing. It's dismissive and inflammatory.

And of course no one is saying that all men are abusers and rapists and murderers. Of course there are thousands of decent men who would never lift a hand to a woman and who treat the people around them with respect.

But that is not what the hashtag is about. The hashtag is a symptom of women who have suffered enough at the hands of men. This is our outpouring. 

If you’re one of the good guys, don’t get upset about the fact that women are calling men trash. Get upset at the men whose actions have called for that moniker.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Journalism strengthens democracy. Invest in the future today. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. 
Subscribe to News24
Voting Booth
Do you think it's important to get married in this day and age?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Yes, it's important in order to create a family unit and for companionship
23% - 891 votes
Not at all. Being single is far more liberating
9% - 357 votes
There is no general answer to this, it's each to their own
49% - 1923 votes
Yes, society still frowns on unmarried people, especially women
1% - 54 votes
It depends on whether you are able to find a compatible partner
18% - 702 votes