7 Men A Woman Should Never Date or Marry

2015-01-15 11:07

I come from a family of five brothers and one sister. Four are married and loving it – including myself. So I have a fair perspective of what a good man should be like – trust me, my brothers are great examples. I saw them keeping it real financially, emotionally, sexually and educationally; they ended up with great women. Just like my brothers’ wives, I want you to end up with a great man. God can pair you up with an amazing man even if you feel hopeless or think you have no chance of ever finding one. Forget the mistakes you made of kissing too many frogs, your age, having a baby out of wedlock, your social and educational background. Just be true to God and to yourself.

Over the years I have seen a lot of brilliant, intelligent, God fearing and beautiful single women making the mistake of dating or marrying a man they should never have considered in the first place. They were not patient enough and have ended up with the wrong man – the type that can only offer them an unhappy marriage. I also know a lot of single women who are hoping for the right man – with little hope. They say all the good men are taken. I totally disagree. I always advise women to keep their standards for a husband as high as their high heels. Don’t ever lower your standards.

Well, to avoid ending up in an unhappy relationship or marriage in 2015, here are 7 Men That You Should Not Tolerate. Ever. 

Mr. Player/Cheater

Sadly, today a lot of men are either players or aspiring players – even in church. Due to the lack of positive role models and the constant desire for instant self-gratification, they think sleeping around somehow makes them feel they are “real men”. For them, it is like a game of chess, except in this case “the King” is everywhere and no rules apply to him. So avoid Mr. Player. Don’t even bother to date him. And if you discover your boyfriend/fiancé is a player, please don’t marry him. The truth of the matter is that for some men it’s a case of “once a player – always a player”. I believe people change and need second chances to show they can change, but not everyone is going to make good use of that opportunity. You don’t want to end up in a marriage that lacks trust. Take it from me. Not all cheating is equal. And not all cheaters are equal. Don’t tolerate a player. Ever.

Mr. “I Am Not Ready For A Serious Relationship Right Now” –

Unlike Mr. Player/Cheater, this man is not really interested in being with lots of women. His issue is not exclusivity. It’s commitment. Yes ladies, there is a difference. He might be your man. But that doesn’t mean you are his lady. If you never knew, that’s what the phrase in Song of Songs means – “My Beloved is mine and I am his”. The thing with some women is that they insist Mr. “I Am Not Ready For A Serious Relationship Right Now” is going to change and they feel he simply needs a saviour. They do everything for him, even manipulate him, put pressure on him to marry them, but after getting married the unhappiness creeps in. Fast forward – he then begins to show a lack of seriousness for the marriage because he wasn’t serious about it in the first place. Next stop – abuse, cheating or divorce. Ladies, you deserve better than this.

Mr. Church Boy

He told you he loves the Lord and said it in perfect ‘Christianese’.  He sent you scriptures to encourage you before your performance review with your boss. He speaks in tongues so deep you couldn’t help but ask him, with wide-eyed wonder, how he learnt to do it. He asked you what your favourite praise and worship song is, then sang the first few lines to ‘humbly’ demonstrate how good his singing is. Everyone in church knows how he says ‘Amen’ – it’s that loud. On the flip side, he secretly compromises his beliefs, standards and values easily. He quoted a line from Lil’ Wayne to comment on your, ahem, derrière. And that of every other woman in church. He spoke to the waiter unkindly and you saw the red flag but smiled instead of confronting him. He put his hand on your thigh and suggested that a little fun won’t compromise your purity. Make sure his words match his actions. If not, run away.

Mr. Flirt

This man feels he is “The Man”. He’s not dating anyone. Or at least that’s what he says. He simply loves to be the centre of attention whenever he talks to a female friend, ladies at the gym, waitresses, strangers in the shop, and especially girls at church. Your boyfriend or husband is only permitted to flirt with one person – YOU! Dating a man who flirts a lot will take away confidence in the relationship or marriage. A man with a wondering eye will leave a bad impression on your friends and family. You deserve to be with someone whom you can trust even when you are not there.

Mr. Abuser

There are a lot of angry men who need professional help and unfortunately unqualified women think they are ‘professional’ enough to help them. A man who cannot handle himself well but verbally or physically abuses you at every chance, shouldn’t even be on your radar. Perhaps you don’t pick it up at first, but there are always warning signs. He told you how he expects you to behave – but there was something in his voice that sounded more like a control-freak than a man with acceptable standards. And if you are really in tune with the Holy Spirit, He will show you that something’s wrong with Mr. Abuser. If he has a problem, don’t even try to justify it.

Mr. Lazy

This guy has no dream, vision, passion, or sense of purpose. But his smooth words can trick you into thinking he is the next best thing. After you marry him you will realise that he has no plans to work or provide for a family. All he does is stay home, watch sports on TV, hang out with his friends, and use your money to buy what he wants. Being in a relationship with Mr. Lazy will cost you more than money. It will set you years back in your career and self-actualisation. Keep away from this man.

Mr. Ben 10

I made this the last point because it is the least important but at the same time this is a rising issue. Ben 10 aka younger lovers are growing in numbers all across our society. They look for women whom they can devour sexually and financially. Of course real love has no age restrictions but you don’t want to end up with a boy who you need to babysit, pay his bills, and tolerate his immaturity or lack of vision. Ask yourself if you are really ready to settle down with a Ben 10. He might be sweet, younger and offer guaranteed sexual satisfaction, but a lot of Ben 10’s come with baggage you can only identify after you are already married.

What other types of men would you add to this list? Are you in a relationship with one of them?

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