Dear Jake White

2012-09-17 20:43

I write to you as a concerned South African, rugby lover, and staunch supporter of the Springboks.

Jake, we need you. South Africa needs you. The Springboks need you. It is unfortunate that we never realised that when you were appointed as Bok coach at the back end of a disastrous 2003 World Cup, you were the second coming… of Kitch Christie.

Jake, I am writing to you as I am not happy with the current state of our beloved Springboks. We have had it up to our armpits with the kak that Heyneke Meyer has been dishing up during his tenure as coach. People have been so gatvol with his kak that even the most ardent of Blue Bulls supporters have been pulling out their hair… except for Pine Pienaar, who’s been sporting an impressive Brent Russell-like mullet of late.

Jake, during your time, the flyhalf didn’t kick everything away, and you could tell that the boys on the park were doing a bit of thinking for themselves.

In your time, we could see that what the team was doing in practice was coming off. I was a fan of your famous drift defence. You were a proponent of the idea of having big backs and big forwards. In your view, the Boks had to be feared for being tough and mean. And they were.

Now, we see you doing the same thing and turning the Brumbies back into the force they once were. Why are you in Australia and not in the Bok camp? Because some tool at SARU decided to attack you on Debra Patta’s show after you had won the World Cup.

Jake, you were the savior of Springbok rugby. We’d been in a rut since the sacking of Nick Mallet and we needed someone who would restore pride back in the green and gold. You came along and did that, while P Divvy, who I have always been a fan of, continued with the foundation you had laid.

Then Heyneke came along. In a matter of a few short months, he has failed to beat England and he has failed to beat Argentina. Since 2006, we have beaten the Poms every time. Since the beginning of time, we have ALWAYS beaten Argentina until Heyneke came along.

He has turned Bok rugby into one big bore. I nearly choked on my boerewors the other day screaming at the TV while Morne was missing kick after kick after kick after kick. What’s the saying? “Stupidity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result every time”? No?

Mr White, please come back. PLEASE COME BACK! For my, and millions of other South Africans’ sanity. We need you back in the country. Whatever SARU did to piss you off, we apologise on their behalf. On a personal level, I apologise for calling you a tool when you had a go at Div last year. I still think it was a bit underhanded.

Save us from this snorefest that is Heyneke Meyer. Save us from the snorefest that is Morne Steyn. Save us from losing our minds. To win in rugby, you need to play with the ball. Move it around the backs. Kicking the ball away EVERY SINGLE TIME will not work, especially against the All Blacks who love having the ball.

You, Jake understood that ball retention meant you had a good opportunity of putting points on the board.

Dear Oregan Hoskins. You’ve been around for 6 years now. Not even Brian van Rooyen was around for that long. It’s time to go. You’ve robbed us of two decent coaches.

Dear Div, I still think you’re a God given talent, and I don’t care a damn. You pulled more rats out of the hat than this oke. The Boks are not very organised at the moment. They’ve become a fruit salad.

Dear Heyneke, go. Just go. Vat jou goed en gaan! Vat jou losskakel en gaan. You say you don’t want to put young Johan Goosen into the deep-end, so you keep Morne in the side. Why? Is Patrick Lambie not one of the most exciting young flyhalves on the planet? Why do you start with a specialist scrumhalf on the wing and a specialist winger on the bench?


Follow me on Twitter: @KingBiyela


AB praises selfless skipper

2010-11-21 18:15

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