Dear sexist, please don't kiss my neck.

2015-05-17 17:39

Dear Misogynist

I trust this letter finds you well and in good spirit.

A thing that has saddened me much lately is the extent to which I tolerate the inappropriate advances of men like you. This out of what seems to be some misplaced fear of upsetting the order of things. The very order that has you climbing all over me in public and me sitting there, humiliated and so terribly awkward. The very order that has you waiting until my family are in the other room so you can tell make your vulgar remarks when no-one can hear you.

Perhaps my father is right. Perhaps I should turn around and klap you. But why should I? Why can you not accept ‘no’ for an answer? How is your inability to control yourself, my responsibility?

It happens to varying degrees, in various spaces – each of which provides a unique context within which your vileness can manifest at the expense of the woman. Me. Some of us are exposed to it in our families, our circle of friends, the workplace or even at institutions of learning. And those among us who are religious, experience it at those institutions too.

Where you succeed is in the disappointed that I feel in myself at just how tolerant I am of your advances, for the sake of keeping the aforementioned ‘order of things.’ So rather than the klap that my father thinks you deserve, you get a polite request to back down. A request that you seem to think is subject to your discretion. As though it is for you to choose whether or not to observe it (please excuse the smile on my face as I state this, but it is just so utterly silly of you).

It must be the weather because this has been happening all the more frequently of late. And the more frequently that it happens, the more the resentment seems to build. Resentment as well as amazement, that in this day and age, you think this mad behaviour is acceptable. What is worse is that my self-defence has been a humble request to please stop when the act I am responding deserves a much more drastic approach. This is my disappointment, in myself.

I am not a prude nor a feminist. I am a possessive individualist when it comes to my private life and my femininity. This is endorsed by my private will – to choose who is allowed to come close and who is not. You, are not.

It is my decision who is allowed to touch me. I also don’t owe any explanations as to why. My liberalism is not your platform to try and convince me that in the event of me seeing someone, it is justifiable to ‘go with you,’ (again, please excuse the smile on face, this is no laughing matter).

Quite frankly, a woman like me is not afraid to go after what she wants. So the fact that there has been no interest shown in you, speaks volumes. It does not mean that I am ‘waiting on the man to make a move,’ it rather means that ‘I’m really not interested so please, let’s move on.’

So don't kiss my neck. Don’t hang onto me. Don’t stroke my lower back when you walk next me. Don't hold my hand without my permission. Don’t stroke my hair. Don’t ask me to be your ‘mistress.’ In fact do not touch me at all because you do not have my permission.

Sincerely not yours,

Anneke Scheepers

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AB praises selfless skipper

2010-11-21 18:15

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