Help Wanted!

2016-09-08 11:31

International recently-rich family who enjoys lavish weddings and unauthorized travel is looking for a broad shouldered individual to represent them to manage their business interests in South Africa. Must be able to dance.

Candidate must have a decent knowledge of politics and shouldn’t be held back by moral or ethical restraints.

The successful applicant will enjoy generous benefits, including, but not limited to, multiple homes and global travel with luggage provided. The current Number One (NO1!) is being retired as having outlived his usefulness with an urgent replacement being sought.

No tertiary education is required.

Candidates should submit their CVs to either the SABC, SAA, the NPA, the HAWKS, ESKOM or the Speaker of the House, for forward to Waterkloof Airport.

With President Jacob Zuma abroad more than he is in South Africa, one wouldn’t be remiss for imagining that he is assessing which foreign posting he would like to capture when his days in South Africa are done. This is not a new option with the ANC being well schooled in delivering wayward politicians to unsuspecting and undeserving South American countries with whom the South Africa has relations. Which only goes to show that you can’t choose your family….

With this imagining in mind, and with the position opening up, South Africa is clearly in the market for a new NO1! All whilst the country distracts and busies itself in selecting a Public Protector, the selection process for President has been on the go for some time (at least in my fantasy). And it’s hotting up.

Understanding this as well as who the candidates might be, goes some way to explain some of the more perplexing behavior of some of the aspirants.

Consider the following potential options;

- Hlaudi Motsoeneng. Current COO of the SABC (the former “public broadcaster” – now just a “broadcaster”). This individual has shown remarkable fortitude. Single handedly purging the SABC of journalists who insist on reporting the news, he took on the Constitution and stared down Freedom of Speech. Not only did he not sway in the face of outraged public opinion and was not nonplussed by the Courts who didn’t quite agree with him, but is about to throw himself a party to celebrate his success.

- Myeni, Chairperson of SAA is most definitely a front runners and possible replacement options for NO1! Myeni stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that SAA is on its knees and has shown great fortitude in the face of public outrage.

- The Head of Hawks and the NPA (possible Co-NO1! Or even NO1/2!) have worked magnificently and successfully together to create distrust in the justice system. With the HAWKS pursuing the Minister of Finance because someone told them to, and NPA not prosecuting the President until the SA courts demanded that he did. It really is a match made in heaven. Or not.

A late comer and a dark horse in this highly competitive landscape has got to be the Minister of Mineral Resources, Mosebenzi Zwane. He is someone worth watching and if there is money on this wager, I back this bloke. Quiet until now, he has very clearly thrown his (miners) hat into the ring and did so as dramatically as is imaginable (which of course this is). He announced that an investigation into the banks that refused to work with the Gupta business and hinted at the possibility that the government needs to take control of financial institutions. In doing so he has to have garnered the attention of the family who enjoys lavish weddings and unauthorized travel.

The position for the replacement of the President is clearly entering the final stages. The candidates, in a bizarre perversion of the Idols theme, are playing out their auditions in the public forum. They are currently in the fiercest segment of the competition and one can only hope that a selection is made as soon as possible. That is if there is to anything left to lead.

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