I am sorry for causing chaos in parliament

2015-02-13 10:59

Dear South Africans

I apologise for causing a stir during the state of the nation address. I didn’t ask to be there, in actual fact I wasn’t even made for occasions like those. Do you know I’ve been banned in many countries? My greatest contribution to society is my placement in prisons to ensure prisoners are unable to communicate with the outside. I am really proud of my work there. Sometimes government agencies and the military take advantage of my skills and put my abilities to bad use, but unfortunately I have no power over that. And that is what happened last night.

I can’t tell you the whole story but what I will tell you is that I knew it was a bad idea the moment the… wait I am not allowed to mention any names … the moment the, ahhhh, “security personnel” retrieved me from the evidence room at a police station and placed me behind the scenes at parliament.

I heard many whispers in the hallways, a lot of it was all hushed up. A bit like you used to get from the baddies in an episode of Hawaii 5-O (the REAL one, not this remake nonsense) and I could not make head or tails of it. But I did hear one part where somebody, a really really important person (because I was told by everyone over and over again that he was a really really important person) said “that thing is here to block the journalists reporting what the Zuma says.” I didn’t understand it at that point. I also didn't like being called a thing.

There was a lot of nervous energy among the pol… I mean “security personnel” backstage, they knew the EFF was going to cause trouble (because, let’s level here, the EFF always causes trouble), but I just don’t think they anticipated me stealing the show. The moment I heard a point of order raised and my name mentioned I was struck cold. It wasn’t long after the commotion some man raced into the room and switched me off.

I am writing this to apologise to South Africans, that important issues like loadshedding, education and environmental disasters were clouded by my presence. I believe though that it was right that my presence was protested. I don’t know much about politics, but what I do know is that devices made for prison don’t belong in parliament.

Sorry again.

Yours truly,

Cell P Jammer

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