Long distance loving - is your relationship real?

2014-03-18 12:40

The Internet has truly given us a global village… not bound by the constraints of time zones and space, the web has opened up a plethora of new opportunities, communities and connections, including opportunities for those who find love online.

As a result there are probably more long distance relationships now than there have ever been as people cast their nets wider looking for what they seemingly just can’t find on their doorstep.

These relationships aren't without their fair set of challenges though, and people in long distance and online romances often find themselves questioning the validity of the choices they made and the future they've committed themselves too.

Guilt, embarrassment & your fantasy world

A long distance relationship sometimes feels as though it’s a fantasy world.

No one ever gets to meet the person, talk to them, share time with them… you just don’t get to see your relationship validated through someone else’s eyes.

For all intents and purposes, you live a single life.

Yes, you have a person with whom you’re sharing and planning a future but you’re still doing everything on your own; you sleep alone at night, you do the shopping and finances on your own… and your entire world revolves around that next Skype video or WhatsApp text message.

And by the fifteenth time you've told the story to someone who asks where your partner is, you kind of start to feel like a fraud don’t you? The guilt, embarrassment and feeling as though you’re living in a fantasy world or just plain lying can be overwhelming at times.

Guilt and embarrassment are funny emotions. We know they’re inside, and even though we technically know that the people around us don’t know what’s happening inside, we’re certain that people can see through us, that they think we’re a fraud.

Speaking of other people…

Other people’s opinions

Opinions are like a$$holes… everyone has one and everyone thinks theirs doesn't stink.

And as much as we hate the fact that other people are not tolerant enough to keep their opinions to themselves, as humans we feel a strong need to push ours down everybody else’s throat.

When you’re caught in one of those conversations as someone involved in a long distance relationship, it can be soul destroying.

From comments like ‘this is a fantasy’, to questions like can’t you find someone decent close by, making you feel as though there’s all sorts of things wrong with you, to disapproving and judgmental glances, obvious snickering and gossiping behind your back, interacting with people can be very much like facing all the judgmental idiots you had to deal with in high school.

Just because someone has an opinion doesn't mean it’s valid… and while you sometimes may have to stand there and listen to it, you certainly don’t have to take it on as truth for you.

Likewise, people who live small lives, as is often the case with gossips and those who are judgmental, have a limited ability to process or understand anything that is outside their frame of reference.

For these kinds of people, anything outside the norm is not possible… you cannot fall in love over the internet, it can only happen in person. You cannot develop a relationship without touch and time spent together in person… and if you think you can do it, well you’re just living in a fantasy world aren’t you?

With these people and their sometimes rather verbose opinions, you just have to take heart and know that the rest of their lives are as limited as their opinions.

These people will never take a huge chance like you have… because with great risk comes great reward. They’ll never stand on the edge of the cliff and fly because they’ll never leave the comfort and warmth of the homestead. They’re just too downright scared.

On the upside, you’ll get to wave at them from the stage or your Lear Jet when you move to your extraordinary new life.

A modern, old-fashioned approach

Speaking of the upside… there are a lot of upsides to these modern old-fashioned relationships the Internet has spawned.

For a start, you have an unparalleled ability to know if you are a mental match… without the interference of the physical stuff.

This wins on two fronts.

Firstly, as you get older you will spend more time talking than anything else, and what you can judge from spending hours and hours talking to and communicating with someone is how well you can pass time just talking with someone.

Plus, you have the chance to develop crazy brilliant communication skills that allow you to more easily weather any change or storm your relationship faces.

The second front on which this plays in your favor is the actual physical stuff.

So many relationships are strongly physical in the beginning… and then it peters away to almost nothing later on in the relationship’s life.

As you and your partner have an absence of physical contact and a strong yearning for it in between get-togethers and visits, you are less likely to take that aspect for granted as the relationship matures and you’re able to enjoy physicality regularly with each other.

As your relationship is not founded or based on the physical aspects, you risk less damage to the relationship if this falls away at a later stage – your foundation is built on communication and connection, on mutual trust and respect.

People are quick to judge what they don’t understand, and they’re even quicker to try and make you feel less because they are not brave enough to try something different or take a risk on something new.

Never let other people’s lack of courage hold you back or stop you from finding your happiness and following your dreams. You deserve your fantasy and your dream come true.

And after all, the only person whose thoughts you have to go to sleep with at night are yours.

Read more writing like this on www.sexandhoney.com


AB praises selfless skipper

2010-11-21 18:15

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