Old Politicians Never Die - They Just Nkandla

2015-07-22 10:51

What if we re framed this whole Nkandla thing? What if we turned it on its (rotten) head and viewed it from the inside out instead of from the outside in? What if we looked at the security upgrades as having being designed not to keep scoundrels external to the perimeter, but in fact, wait for it, to keep them inside? What if Nkandla was a place of exile, where we might send politicians when the time (or need) arises for them to be removed from society?

It’s a win –win. Very few South Africans would complain about the cost of the security upgrades if it guaranteed that it would prevent politicians from roaming the halls of Parliament (on the way to or from lunch), pausing only for enough time to enact laws and regulations that cripple the country. It would save the tax payer millions of devaluating Rands, not only in catering costs but also in the gazillions lost to the economy by the enactment of ill thought out, poorly planned and badly implemented laws (think Tourism). It would in fact make it money well spent. It would be a bargain. And who doesn’t like a bargain?

Today’s parliamentary visit to Nkandala should focus on this aspect. As an example, instead of opposition parliamentarians rolling their eyes whilst looking at the swimming pool, perhaps they can try and determine if given the size and the cost, it could be contemplated as a sustainable water source with fire fighting capabilities. Essentially if it were possible to remove both the retired MPs and Nkandla itself from the national grid, the sky would really be the limit for this country. There would be no looking back.

Think of Nkandla as a retirement home for the greedy and the infirm. Even if no one is infirm. It’s our very own Shady Palms, where it’s not the palms that are shady. It’s the “Golden Acres” for South African politicians where it’s the handshakes that are precious and there are acres for them to roam freely and organically. Retired politicians will be able to enjoy their sunset years in safety and security (because no expense has been spared) and live a rural “Farm life” that can only imagined in the fantasies of the electorate. We can make “being sent to the farm” something positive and productive and remove the connotation of associated with ageing and with ill pets.

We need to reframe the dialogue so that Nkandla is no longer seen as a problem, but rather as the solution. We need to think out the box and be grateful for the opportunity that it provides. Let’s instead be deeply appreciative of this homestead and all the opportunities it presents to the people of this country. Let’s reframe our language so that indeed in the future, old politicians won't die, they will just Nkandla.

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