Such a twisted social set-up

2013-07-11 08:06

By the time you finish reading this article, you will conclude I am socially imbalanced, always lacking the right social cues. Scary, right...

But before you start digging my grave and bury me alive before Nelson Mandela becomes a memory, hold on to your shovels. It’s the perfectionist in me that just can’t tolerate rude, impolite, and unprofessional behavior, especially when behavior can be learnt.

Sure, I expect less of the above from taxi drivers who think filling up before their next load will cost them time and money more than it will cost me time and my job to wait for them while running to the garage to fill it up when their taxis suddenly stop, leaving commuters stranded on the side of the road. If that happens, I will always have an interview in the next 45 minutes. The word interview, I have noticed, has always rattled sanity on most taxi drivers. I am yet to figure if it’s because they never been to one themselves, at least most of them. But in the end, I always get my money quicker than I passed it over to the next seat.

I sure expect and demand more from outlets that claims to be the best food outlets in town. I am therefore not to be expected to be in an ‘understanding’ behavior when I get served pasta with hair in it. Or your menu doesn’t say “prepared with chilies” yet I get served chili meal. Keep your deserts and drinks complements. I am not paying, and you guessed right, I am out of here.

This may sound rude, impolite and unprofessional, terms that amounts to nothing but “you are social ill-fit”. Sure, go on. But that is where I find the whole social set up a bit twisted.  Let’s flip this thing over. I don’t claim to not have eaten hair in my life, given that I am not a virgin but let me eat them out of my will and pleasure. I have always cherished every lone moment in the toilet. There is always something about relieving oneself. But I am not about to shoot up an ice-cube up my orifice to cool the hell suffered from eating chilies. Since I prefer breasts over thighs, don’t scare me with your “black people” look when I tell you to get me what I ordered, not what you want me to order. Shut up and let me have the breasts. There’s a cue behind me.

If that were the only hiccups, I might go easy but that’s half the issue. Behind it all is the unwillingness of spending my hard-earned money where one think they can behave in whatever way their moods swings allows and think less of me.  The socially ‘does’ and ‘don’ts’ go out the shop window before you can open your till. I don’t have to remind you who help provide for the establishment’s rent and your monthly pay slip. You can go ahead and tell your friends that there is a sale at your shop. But see what happens when your boss tells you all items must be put on ‘must go’. Terms like ‘bad-luck’ are never in my vocabulary; they are coined by desperate, unmotivated lots.

I have admiration of the entrepreneurial efforts from the street vendor who sells sweets and cigarettes. It’s all good and pure dedication given the number of unemployment. It makes a touching story when you learn that the same vendor supports a family or sends a child to school with the earnings. The problem is when I buy a sweet for thirty cents with my fifty cents and wait for my twenty cents change. There is that moment of stand still. Me unwrapping my sweet, while in anticipation of my change, and the vendor, waiting, expecting me to walk away.  I am not a role model of forced charity cases. And to suggest that I take another sweet, sounds like I am confused about my choices.

Everyone has a tale to tell about their jobs. My recent incident at my workplace could have been avoided, at least I think. My job description at this broadcasting company entails inviting guests and making sure they keep to our busy schedule. On my first day I had to listen to a well-esteemed analyst who was quick to tell me he had been a guest to this channel for years. With that he made it clear I was not to bother about showing him where he had to be.

Since nowhere in my job description does it is say after a certain period guests can be left to find their way in and out of the premises. I kept to the rules and ignored his allusions and credentials. But I have also learnt that unruly socially behaviors manifest themselves at every kind of settings.

A week later the same guest was invited and being the ‘Mr. too busy and know it all’ that he is. He showed up late and unfortunately for him the channel was doing a story on internet hacking and the reporter was reporting live from the newsroom.

Attempting to make up for lost time, leaving me behind, my guest took to the steps like Jamaican sprinter, Usain Bolt’s strides. And me, I slugged behind and acting all concerned and worried. How do I tell ‘Mr. know it all’ that we are shooting and therefore must use an alternative entrance?

Huffing and gasping for breath, he walked right into a live camera. An attempt to retreat worsened situations; I-Pad dropped, jackets took wings, shirts-buttons explored from BEE belly and asses got exposed.

Luckily the Executive Producer was quick to act, prompting the cameraman to pan his camera. But the damage had been done.

All everyone wanted to know was, what has just happened?

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