Thanks.....but

2012-02-01 11:51

So, I promised I was not going to write about this. The bean, developing in my belly. Soon-to-be screaming, pooping, suckling oodles of joy if all goes well. (Preferably without too much screaming.) But alas, I feel compelled to do so.

There’s nothing like coming out with a pregnancy to get everyone round you all warm and fuzzy. Hugs all round and loads of good wishes. A kinship of sorts, and lots of conversation with people you’d never have imagined you’d share any kind of bonding experience with. It’s like some kind of Mommy Mecca, and I’ve just been given the rite of passage. All you need do is wave your magic positive pregnancy stick round, and there you go! For your free pass, squat here.

It’s nice and all - and much appreciated, don’t get me wrong. It’s quite touching and has made me feel rather special. But…..and there’s always a ‘but’…….enough already! And without sounding ungrateful, here are a few pointers to keep in mind, the next time someone you know is “in the club”.

1. I’m generally ok, and no, I don’t want to discuss lying prostrate on the wooden floor because I am so nauseous I can hardly think with you! And no, there’s very little actual sick, in the morning sickness bit. The nausea is on another level though. Thanks for asking, but drop it.

2. No, I’m not eating dirt…or clay…or paper…or peanut butter and marmite or some weird combination of things. Believe me, the bean will expel it…fast, what the bean doesn’t like, the bean gets rid of. Beginning to have my doubts about the whole cravings theory. Think it’s just an excuse, to try things you’ve always really wanted to, but could never really justify.

3. Congratulations are welcome, but you don’t have to hang around…..pregnant pauses [couldn’t resist that] in hand. It’s ok, you don’t have to shuffle from foot to foot and speak to me.

4. I’m not going to hang around in bars and parties late at night. I know – I could hang with the best of them! And believe me it hurts me more than it hurts you. So quit looking at me funny when I leave early….or kind of decide to skip it….I’ll get there again, I’m sure!

5. I haven’t lost my sense of humour, and am not cranky – well, not all the time. But when I say I’m tired, I’m not being difficult, I mean I’m tired. As in I kind of need to sleep. I’ve been told to take advantage of this while I can.

6. This one’s important. VERY IMPORTANT. I can talk about other things too…like I used to just four months ago! Can you believe it? I’m sure the bean will have me whipped in no time…and well, then we can discuss it all you like. For now…not so much. Oh, and also…I am allowed to move around, walk…..etc….like normal, non-pregnant people.

I’m sure I can think of more, but that about covers it from my side for now! My colleagues and wonderful family and friends who are reading this, you’re excluded from the above - mostly. You’ve been great…..but don’t push it. Enough said.

And yes, I’m excited…but there’s a way to go still, so lets not exhaust the issue all at once. And no, I have no idea what its name will be! And no….we haven’t discussed it……anything else?

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