The 10 Commandments of DATING & RELATIONSHIPS

2015-02-10 06:15

Who is breaking LOVE commandments this Valentine's day?

Theology professor Dr. Doug Kelly said, “If you want to make people mad, preach LAW (commandment). If you want to make them really, really mad preach GRACE.” What he meant here is that the law offends us because it tells us what to do and we hate it because we hate taking instructions. But grace on the other hand offends us more because it tells us there’s nothing we can do; everything has been done already – by Jesus. Here it is not only telling us what to do, it is telling us we can’t do anything. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that we hate to be seen as helpless and weak, isn’t it?

Now if you are dating or in a relationship during this Valentine's day period, chances are you have broken some dating and relationship commandments handed over to you by your friends, parents, siblings, pastor or even mentors and yes, chances are, you probably caused pain to yourself or a partner. But don’t be disappointed in yourself - Forgive yourself! Surprise - I’ve also failed excessively. Yes, I said I have also failed.

It’s important to note that these commandments and laws serve as “traffic lights” on the sometimes “dangerous and painful streets” of dating and relationships.  This is so that when you drive into any avenue or highway, you don’t crash or create an accident. Disobeying the laws could hurt you. I see these commandments as a way of equipping you - making you aware of certain expectations and helping you to evolve so that you become more than just the “girl next door.”

These commandments are for you to understand that Jesus has done EVERYTHING for you and all you need is to know it, embrace it and then, smartly, walk in it.

That is called GRACE.

I heard that some churches discourage single people from dating. Why?? Here’s my take on it – Single People, please don’t kiss dating ‘goodbye’ or you will be eternally single. Real love dates. Let me explain - dating is a way of meeting someone to see if it’s worth your while to consider going into a relationship with them. You can’t just jump into a relationship or courtship without dating. Have you lost your mind?

So since we both know you want to get married (soon), here are my 10 Commandments of Dating & Relationships:

- Thou shall learn to be friends first – friends spent time together, pray together, pray for each other, support one another, have fun with each other, laugh at each other and celebrate one another. So get to know each other. I suggest a strict “No Kissing” rule for those dates. Trust me - it’s WAY too early. FYI, I didn’t kiss my wife until our wedding day.

- Thou shall be honest, sensitive, tolerant and transparent - with each other about your past, present and future. So many relationships and marriages end very badly because they started very badly. So start with the right foundation.

- Thou shall acknowledge that dating and relationship is a team sport - you are teammates who need coaches, mentors, parents and / or counsellors to support you and help you to make the right decisions.

- Thou shall let the past be the past - help each other with your baggage because we all do bring our social, personal, cultural, emotional and spiritual baggage into any relationship. Whoever you are, wherever you’re from, we all have stuff that we need help with. And remember, allow yourself to be helped.

- Thou shall have a threesome – GOD, MAN AND WOMAN. You will have the best threesome ever if both of you make God the CEO of your relationship. Everything needs to get H his approval FIRST, through prayer.

- Thou shall not give into pressure to get married before you’re ready – there are certain people that have created a sub-ministry of match making or run a business of always asking single people when they are getting married, “I  want you to meet someone. Have you met so-and-so?” Especially married people and old gogos (ladies) J. Get married only when you feel you have found “THE ONE”.

- Thou shall not flirt with the opposite sex - it is called CHEATING. Yes! Concentrate and be committed to be with one person at a time. This is known as FAITHFULNESS.

- Thou shall exchange the ring before exchanging the sex- get married first. Don’t give or try to get sex before you wear the ring. Sexual purity is emotionally and spiritual important in a relationship of any kind.

- Thou shall understand the 3 Rings of Marriage - engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering if you plan to get married.

- Thou shall eliminate divorce as an option – lock the doors forever. Don’t leave an open door. Before your wedding day, both of you should agree that no one is coming in and no one is going out. When we got married, I told my wife if she leaves me I will follow her and if I leave her she must follow me. Finish and klaar.

The important point from these commandments is the fact that you deserve to date the right person. You deserve to be in a right relationship with the right person and you deserve to marry Mr or Mrs Right – now say amen somebody! Admit your past mistakes and don’t beat yourself down whenever you fail – kissing the frog, cheating, dishonesty, having sex etc.

Get up and use these 10 Commandments of Dating and Relationships as a guide into a fruitful and satisfying marriage starting from the Christmas holiday season.

I am sure I didn’t mention some commandments you are thinking of. Do you have any? Please share them with us.

Enjoy St. Valentine's Day

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