The Faux King Era

2014-06-02 03:33

“Women in senior leadership may be punished if they don't sugarcoat their messages, because some people find a powerful woman intimidating." - Lindsey Pollak.

I love it when they tell me that being an independent woman means I am difficult to deal with. I love it when they state that the standards I’ve set for any man I want to consider a partner in life are "too high" and I need to lower them. I love when they tell me that my role as a woman is to treat all men with the highest level of respect and play my "traditional" role as a woman, I love it; because it highlights that women need to hold themselves on the highest pedestals, because for some strange reason it seems we are surrounded by a generation of men, who no longer understand the value of a woman and what we are truly capable of.

Isn’t it disturbing how the notion that independent women are difficult has become a norm? How being an independent woman means that you have very little knowledge of what your role as a woman is? That having standards is ludicrous because you as a woman are supposed to just tolerate and accept the behavior of every man you come into contact with?

Asking Questions

“Is the assertion of masculinity supposed to be reliant on the belittlement of women?” is a question I posed on twitter a few days ago; I had ONE guy interact with me on the subject and that lead me to think, men don’t seem to understand that their behavior of late is questionable. This was further fortified by the obvious reluctance of men willing to defend their honour. Funny isn’t it, men seemingly enjoy the status quo because it always works in their favour.

Ashley Merryman explains that “…by age 6, boys are engaged in group activities 74 percent of the time and girls just 16 percent. It's okay for boys to advocate, argue, and brag because it's all in the service of the group. But when girls get together with a best friend, the goal is to find sameness and equality."

I guess this explains why so many males will encourage each other when the topics revolving around the belittlement of women are happening on a public platform and I suppose “…but it's a problem when women use others' opinions as a security blanket. At some point, women need to trust themselves. That's what will make them leaders”, explains why so many women are quick to jump on board and play the active roles of cheerleaders and contribute to belittling each other.

Women as Contributors

As women, we too are at fault for contributing to how these men behave. We have picked up this terrible habit of accepting and participating in the slander of another female, then turning around and crying foul play when the same thing happens to us, personally. It’s a bit frightening when we too, try by all means to lessen the blow of something used to degrade a woman, by calling ourselves that very thing. Why are we accepting this as a means to define ourselves? This is something I too have participated in, but then reality struck me, why am I contributing to this when as women we’re all suffering as a result of the behaviour of “men” in some way? Is this the kind of behavior we’re one day going to teach our daughters?

Men as Kings

These days whenever a man speaks of himself, he holds himself to the highest regard, but let a woman do the same thing; then you are being difficult. Excuse my ignorance, but how does holding myself to the highest regard and being self-aware make me difficult? Is it because I am a female?

I’m finding more often than not, that there is this arrogant notion by some men who seem to think they are entitled to having the privilege of a woman treating them like a “King”, when all they want from her, is sex. So maybe someone can explain it to me, you want husband privileges but you’re not planning on dating me, let alone marrying me?

The same men who “run through” so many females sexually, are the same ones who want to demand that the universe hands them a virgin who has never experienced heartbreak when they’re good and ready to settle down. I find that so fascinating: you want a “pure” woman when you’re ready to settle down and expect other men to deal with the women you tainted.

There are certain privileges that should be reserved for meaningful relationships, some things I’m finding aren’t for every man you date or hook up with. Just because a woman is independent, there is this idea that she doesn't understand what her role in the traditional sense is, which is completely inaccurate. Has it ever occurred to you that these women you look down on for not fulfilling their archaic roles are looking down on you for the same reason?

And so my dearest Faux kings I leave you with this: I’m independent, I’m difficult, I work hard for what I have and I deserve to be treated with the greatest respect because I am worth it, and if you don’t hold me on the same pedestal that I hold myself on, rather spare me - spare me from hearing how you deserve to be treated like a king.

You can follow me on twitter: @LeratoMannya

*** Thanks to Sadie Rhode ( @SadieWiggles ) and Basetsana Pule ( @Its_Miss_Cassie ) for their contribution to this article and Tlou Cholo ( @MCTyss) for helping edit this article. ***

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AB praises selfless skipper

2010-11-21 18:15

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