The Lying-King

2016-11-18 14:18

“Decolonizing” has got to be the South African word of 2016. From Science to Land ownership, and just about everything in between, South Africans have spent the year trying to determine what belongs to us and what does not. We continue to grapple with what should be thrown out with the bath water and if the tub itself isn’t just a European import. And therefore is something to be viewed with suspicion. It’s confusing and it’s maddening and definitely worth debating.

And I want to do just that.

But I want to talk about TV shows. Because Survivor is Colonialist. It’s pretty obvious. They arrive on the island by boat all dressed up with no where to go, just like those 1820 Settlers did. They dramatically find their way ashore and when they do settle in, they tear down everything that doesn’t serves their immediate need. And everything that does. And they are happy to do so. They light their fires and bicker their European bicker, and they are only ever happy when they get time out from the local environment. At like a spa or something.

And they never actually leave the island until they are physically turfed off the (by their colonialist voting system), which has to be unpleasant and embarrassing for them. But it was their choice to disembark in the first place. So we put out their candle and move happily along and watch who will outlast the other.

No point in even discussing those ballroom dancing shows. Or the cooking competitions which serve all things French. Which means that from a Game Show perspective alone, if we are to be true to our agenda, it’s time that we came up with something South African. Something uniquely ours. Something that we can export to the world. Like the Idols and the Voice managed to do. Something that everyone will immediately know is South African.

Like; The Lying King.

The rules are simple. It’s a politician’s game watched by the nation and publicly funded. Anyone can play. Presidents, Heads of public utility companies are a favorite along with national airline chairmen, logistics boards, public prosecutors and specialized policing units. Add revenue services to the mix and it is clear that the list of potential participants is without limit (at least in South Africa). And did I mention that the public will fund the prize. So it won’t cost anyone, other than the poor. It’s perfect.

All you have to do is tell the most convincing lie to be crowned The Lying King! Get it? Lying King. And we will be champions. South African politicians have mastered the art and if this was an Olympic sport we would win Gold. Without performance enhancing drugs.

Unlike some of those inconvenient Big Brother shows where they have to construct a venue along with one-way glass and everything, The Lying King will be judges weekly at the Saxonwold Shabeen. Assuming you can find it. (It’s a mere 2 blocks up from the Gupta’s place so it shouldn’t be difficult to find). It’s between those triangulated cell phone signals.

And what makes it unique is that the venue itself is the biggest lie of all. And, not sure if I mentioned, that it’s self funding. And by “Self” I mean that you are paying for it. And have been for years. Which is so great in the “We laugh through the tears” sort of way.

South Africans need to turn the whole “Colonialist” thing on its head. Its time to start venturing outside of the country and do to those colonialists what they have done to the country for years. If there is one thing that South African politicians and their sponsors can teach the world, it’s the art of the lie. And how better to Game Show it and viral the heck out it.

It’s time to launch and export The Lying King… our Survival depends on it.

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AB praises selfless skipper

2010-11-21 18:15

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