Planning on tying the knot in the near future? The logistical problems that come with planning a wedding in the middle of a global pandemic shouldn’t be the only thing on your mind.
If the viral thread recently posted by a California-based Twitter user is anything to go by, there might be a few things you and your betrothed need to iron out before you take the plunge.
For example: do you know what are your partner’s dying wish is? Or how they’d like to be buried? What happens if one of you becomes paralyzed? Is your partner planning on taking in their parents once they’re old and frail? How does your partner feel about you hugging members of the opposite sex?
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These are just a few of the questions @cxkenobxkerry brought up in her list of 20 points that people should discuss and evaluate closely before saying 'I do'.
Her marriage checklist has certainly resonated on the social media platform, where the thread quickly garnered 220 000 likes and over 61 000 retweets.
The first thing she touched on in the thread ranks among the top seven reasons South Africans file for divorce – finances.
After urging couples to, ‘talk about debt’, she asked them to confront how they planned on splitting the cost of living expenses, if they’re on the same page when it comes to saving money and whether their salaries can sustain the lifestyles they’d like to lead.
She also emphasised the importance of your partner being aware of your career trajectory, writing: “Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate?”
She urged prospective spouses to discuss how they feel about children; including how many kids they want, when they want to have them, how they feel about adoption and whether or not either of them is unable to have children.
Finding sexual compatibility is also important, she said. “Yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent-wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc... figure it out.”
She added that couples need to talk openly about sexually transmitted diseases.
“Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.”
Couples should also discuss their definitions of cheating and what they are willing to tolerate.
“Opposite gender boundaries: Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know,” she wrote.
Lastly, she encouraged tweeps to trust their gut when it comes to sussing out the partner’s long-term compatibility and base their relationship on shared values and trust.
“I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. You ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.”
The pre-marriage advice is all the more relevant amid news that South Africa’s divorce rate has risen by 20% since the start of lockdown more than four months ago.
Check out the full thread below.