Ask Dr Louise: I never get asked out a second time

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Woman being stood up. (Photo: Getty Images)
Woman being stood up. (Photo: Getty Images)

Rose, email

I’m 34 and people tell me I’m attractive, intelligent and nice to be with. But the problem is the men who ask me out don’t ask me  out a second time if I refuse to have sex with them on the first date.

They simply drop me and  move on. Am I being terribly old- fashioned or what’s going on?

Dr Louise’s advice

There appears to be an  “instant generation” today,  so called because many young people want everything to happen instantly.

They’re focused on immediate gratification in almost every area of their lives.

So for example they’d be inclined  to rent a furnished flat instead of  furnishing it themselves.

And they want to skip the “old-fashioned” step in relationships of first getting to know the other person before  proceeding to greater intimacy. But there are things you miss out on when you skip this step. It’s necessary if you want to build a good foundation, which is what’s needed if you’re thinking long term.

A relationship based exclusively on sex collapses  after a while because often the people involved have little else in common. Not wanting to jump into bed with someone on the first date is wise  – because what do you really know  about someone from one date?

You don’t want to rush into sex with someone you hardly know. What you need  is to find men who have a similar mindset, men who are looking for more than short-term sexual gratification and  also want a level of commitment.

The guys who just want to jump  into bed with you don’t realise they’re forfeiting something special. The proverb “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” still holds true.

Rest assured, you’ll find your angel  in time, someone who’ll be happy to take time to get to know you and for you to have time to feel comfortable and safe with him before you commit  to greater intimacy.

 

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