When I was 20 I met someone I fell headover-heels in love with. He was handsome and charming and we had a relationship for two years before he told me he’s actually married and he’d never leave his wife for me.
He knew how I felt about relationships with married men – it was a no-no for me. I ended the relationship but it’s left me a bitter, resentful and angry person.
I’m now in my thirties and I deliberately make men love me and then break off the relationship. What worries me is I find great satisfaction in seeing the hurt in their eyes and how difficult it is for them to move on.
I wait until I know they’re smitten and think we have a future together – then I drop the bomb. My girlfriends have told me I’ll regret this behaviour one day as I’ve let many decent men slip through my fingers.
I know my friends may be right, but I just can’t stop myself doing this over and over again.
- Brenda, email
Dr Louise’s advice
You’re repeating the same pattern over and over again because you’re projecting the anger you feel towards the married guy you were in love with onto the poor guys you’re involved with now.
You’re destroying your opportunities to find a loving, fulfilling relationship with this behaviour. You’re giving up chances to be loved and cherished the way you’d like to be.
As you grow older the opportunities to meet decent, eligible men will become fewer as more and more men your age will be married. You’re risking being left on your own without a partner or a family of your own.
If you want to change this pattern of behaviour you need to consult with a psychologist, preferably one trained in hypnotherapy so you can be assisted to work through your anger and get rid of it before it destroys your love-life.
Anger is a negative emotion that touches not only the person who’s the focus of the anger, but also the one carrying it.