Knitting with dog hair and a rude colouring-in book

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So much time on your hands, so little to do. Here’s some inspiration to banish the lockdown blues. Who needs yoga, meditation and Zoom gym classes when you can try stripping, knitting with dog hair or you can just go the whole hog and try to take over the world. We look at some of the wacky self-help books that are available for your reading pleasure.

Still Stripping after 25 years

By Eleanor Burns

Take your mind out of the gutter . . .  In this glossy guide legendary Eleanor Burns takes a walk down memory lane as she revisits some of her strip quilting triumphs. There are plenty of photos and stories in here to make your fingers itch to pick up the sewing needle. In Eleanor’s own words: “It’s about good times, good friends and beautiful quilts.”

The Ultimate Top Secret Guide to Taking Over the World

By Kenn Nesbitt

Compared to trying to homeschool your kids, taking over the world should be a piece of cake. In the cover blurb the author promises that once you’re done reading this diabolically clever book you’ll have “entire countries grovelling at your feet” and kings and prime minister bowing and scraping and begging for mercy. C’mon, you know you wanna.

The Big-Ass Swear Word Coloring Book

By  Caitlin Peters

Admit it: you’ve always laughed at the concept of adult colouring in books. But here’s one that will have even you reaching for the crayons. At 176 pages it will provide hours of colouring-in pleasure and may even teach you a few new expressions that you can casually throw into conversation. And you know what they say about sharing is caring?  When your loved ones are moping because it feels like the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket, cheer them up up with this colourful reality check:  “The f*cking sun will come out tomorrow.” The best part is that the pages are perforated for easy framing.

Knitting with Dog Hair

By Kendall Crolius and Anne Montgomery

Recycle Rover into beautiful garments and accessories as the authors teach you this wacky new spin on an old craft. This handy guide will teach you how to make a beret from your beagle, a cap from your collie or a scarf from your schnauzer. If you’re looking for a creative answer to the eternal shedding problem then here it is. As the authors explain: “Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you’ll never meet.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

By Mark Manson

In these days of uncertainty people are probably giving you all kinds of stupid advice. “Take up yoga”, “daily meditation”, “pilates is the way to go”. Don’t listen to them! Rather read this book and save yourself a whole lot of backache and boredom. Manson actually shows that by trying to be positive all the time you may actually be shooting yourself in the foot. In this no-nonsense, expletive-ridden guide he helps you figure out what you don’t feel like doing so you can stop feeling guilty and get busy with what you actually want to do. Or in other words, WTF?

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